alive ↠ hs

.24

Harry's POV

I cursed to myself as I realized the sun was going down and dark clouds had begin to fill the sky.

I had lost hours. 

I always had the problem of losing track of time. Not knowing what time it was, not knowing where it had went and how to manage it. What felt like an hour ago, I had woken up and started moving, now it was getting dark outside.

I lost 9 hours. I had stopped occasionally to break, drink water and rest. I had been so engulfed in my own thoughts that I didn't know where I was or how I had gotten here.

My legs were so accustomed to keep moving and working that they did what my brain couldn't comprehend. Keep moving.

I turned on the flashlight, quietly making my way through the dark. My legs were wobbling slightly as I slipped over a root in the ground.

I was still weak from my previous injuries and trekking through the woods every day, every hour was becoming exhausting. It was becoming stupid. Annoying and worthless. I spent hours walking to no desired goal.

Until I found Sanctuary 33. I was hesitant to go after Saige's trepidation on the decision, but now, I had to go for myself.

I had to be around people, had to become apart of something, had to occupy myself so that her face wouldn't be protruding my thoughts all hours of the day and night. Maybe if I spent each day making myself exhausted that I could sleep without her voice keeping me awake.

I knew Sanctuary 33 was only an hour walk from here and stopping now felt stupid. 

It had been a couple weeks since I left Saige and Asher.

The first couple nights, I had turned around many times. I had turned around and starting running back towards the camp to Saige. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that I'm here. That she was going to be okay.

I couldn't. I can't.

Niall's words burned in my mind. "Find something. Someone."

Saige could have been the one he was referring to. My mum had always told me not to hurt myself trying to love someone else. And that's all she was doing to me, all I was doing to myself was simple; hurting myself trying to love her.

Saige was the part of myself that I wanted to protect. She was that one ounce of sanity I had left to protect. And I failed. 

What stopped me from going absolutely crazy if the one person I depended on to keep me stable was gone?

I've started to block out memories with her. Forget she ever happened. It was easier than remembering every moment we ever shared. To feel the guilt that racked me at night when her broken face sliced across our happy memories.

I had only known her for maybe a few weeks. We spent literally every waking moment together, I made myself vulnerable to her, I let her enter past the thick walls I held around myself.

I told her about Niall. The most vulnerable part of myself. The part that hurt the most.

But that wasn't enough. Putting myself out there and needing her to be able to pick up my broken pieces when I couldn't wasn't enough. Picking up her broken pieces and helping her fit them back into place wasn't enough. 

It was easier before the dead starting walking the earth. Niall, Liam, Louis, and Zayn were the people that kept me stable. They pushed me the extra mile when I was hopeless. When I came home from a day on the street, playing for people with less than $40.

When record labels and coffee shops turned down my gig. 

Niall would force me to my feet and tell me that whatever I was feeling wasn't worth it. That it wasn't where I ended up, it was the journey to how I got there.

It was hard to give up when you had four determined boys by your side. 

When they died and it was only Niall and I, I thought it was okay. I had lost three of my best friends but one was left.

Niall was left. The one that had the brightest light in his eyes, the biggest smile on his face despite all the bullshit in the world.

I planned on killing myself after Niall died. 

It was easy to plan your death than live in a guilty world. Easier to depend on the Geeks to take me down than my own hand.

I was walking through the dark when someone grabbed me from behind, my own flashlight turning on me, along with my gun. I had been so focused on my own thoughts that I hadn't heard their footsteps behind me, their mumbling on how they planned to take me down.

I instantly fought back, reaching for the gun in my holster. They already took it.

I was weak, unable to fight, they had caught me off-guard. They caught me when I was most vulnerable.

"What are you doing out here?" One asked me, shoving the gun in my chest.

I furrowed my eyebrows as a gun pressed harder into my chest. "I'm looking for something."

My voice came out tight and raspy, like it hadn't been used in a while. Well, it hadn't.

Rain had started to pelt down around me, shining brightly underneath the flashlights.

They pulled my arms tighter, making my wince as pain shot up my shoulder. "Looking for what?"

"I'm looking for Sanctuary 33." I breathed, not fighting against them.

Their grip loosened and let me go, a hand still lingering on my shoulder. I pulled myself together as I stood up, wincing as I moved my shoulder.

"Good," one of them said, grabbing my wrist. "Come with us."

I hesitated before pulling myself to my feet and following them as rain soaked through my clothes.