nothing less ➸ demar derozan

nineteen

Isabella

New Years Day was boring. I wasn't even with DeMar. The boys threw a small get together and I was with them, but DeMar was a no-show. Like Kyle said, I have been giving him a three day break. It feels weird that I don't talk to him often, but I am going to his house today.

I hadn't talked to him since the day of the funeral. I text him every morning and night, but he never responds. I have also called him and even left voicemails but still never successful.

I let out a shaky sigh when I open DeMar's bedroom door. He has trapped himself in his room since it all happened.

"Rozan," I whisper. He turns around and he looks better. He looks decent. He doesn't look like he's dead or out of it. There's a tiny sparkle in his eyes.

He lets out a snarl and continues to fold laundry, "You finally decided to show up."

I sigh and sit down on the edge of his unmade bed, "I was letting you rest. Why don't you understand that sometimes it's good to be alone? You're the one who keeps pushing me away when I try to help, so I saved you the hassle."

He shakes his head and his jaw clenches, "It's been three days."

I stare at him coldly, "I didn't come here to argue. I came to see how you've been."

He looks back down at the basket of clothes and stays silent. The truth was, I missed him. I missed his kisses and the feeling of being embraced in his arms. I just desperately wanted to be wrapped in them.

"The boys wanted me to tell you that they hope to see you at practice," I inform. Kevin and Paul were telling me how DeMar has missed all of their winter practice sessions.

He nods, "I'll be back once school starts."

I get up and walk towards him. He continues folding his clothes, and I realize that this is the closest I've been to him in a while.

"How have you been?" I ask and lean against the wall.

"If you were here, you would've known," he says. I roll my eyes at his comment.

"Goddamn, DeMar," I groan. "I don't understand you."

He stares at me and shrugs, "No one does."

My heart aches at his comment. Sometimes I don't even understand why or how we're dating. He says he loves me, but he also says I don't understand him. I try to understand him and he pushes me away.

"Then help me try to understand," I say. "Look at me, please." I miss looking at his light brown eyes. He looks up at me and his shoulders slouch. "How could I possibly try to understand you when all you do is push me away?"

"Make an effort," he shrugs.

"Okay," I say and wait for him to continue but he doesn't. "Wait, are you saying that I don't make an effort to be with you?" Rozan stares at me with a blank expression. "You're lying, right?"

He shakes his head, "Why would I possibly lie at a time like this?"

"I don't make an effort? How do I not make an effort?" I raise my voice because if anything, I've been showing more effort than him or anyone else. He stares at me with that same stupid blank face. I wish he'd show some emotion about this. "What are you talking about? I show more effort than you. I have the option to drive here and ask how you are. I could say no and not come at all, but I don't. You continuously push me away and sometimes I wonder why I even try. I've texted and called—and left several voicemails—everyday and you never replied. Don't tell me that I don't show effort."