Puns

Intro

A Pun is a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

Hear are a few examples of question-type puns befour v get going!

√What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

√This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.

I said, "Is that a fret?"

√Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

√How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

√Whiteboards are remarkable.

√My leaf blower doesn't work.

It sucks.

√Insect puns bug me.

√Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?

√Never give your uncle an anteater.

√I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know why.

√I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from.

Then it dawned on me.

√Learning how to collect trash wasn't that hard, I just picked it up as I went along.

√A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.

√If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.

√My dog can do magic tricks.

It's a labracadabrador.

√Never marry a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

√I tried to catch some fog.

I mist.

√I knew a couple who met in a revolving door.

I think they're still going round together.

√Did you know taller people sleep longer in bed?

√I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier.

I'm sure it'll come back to me eventually.

√I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there, he said it was "Narnia Business".

√Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

√I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

√Sue broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.

√I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.

I'll tell you what, never again.

√I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"

√Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults but that's just how I roll.

√What do you call Dracula with hayfever?

The pollen Count.

√Never lie to an x-ray technician.

They can see right through you.

√My friend made a joke about a TV controller.

It wasn't remotely funny.

√I have a speed bump phobia but I'm slowly getting over it.

√I'm working on a device that will read minds.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

√I saw an advert that read: "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

√I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.

√Those new corduroy pillows are making headlines.

√When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up.

√I went to a restaurant last night and had the Wookie steak.

It was a little Chewy.

√Broken puppets for sale.

No strings attached.

√Don't drink with ghosts, they can't handle their boos.

√I asked my mom to make me a pair of pants.

She was happy to, or at least sew it seams.

√If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.

√I applied for a job at the local restaurant.

I'm still waiting.

√I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

√I've been learning braille.

I'm sure I'll master it once I get a feel for it.

√If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

√I just walked past a shop that was giving out dead batteries free of charge.

√When it came to getting even with my local bus company, I pulled out all the stops.

√The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.

√I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

√If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?

√It was an emotional wedding.

Even the cake was in tiers.

√Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

√The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

√Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

√Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

√The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house.

I didn’t know what to make of it.

√The other day a clown held the door open for me.

I thought it was a nice jester.

√I'd tell you my construction joke but I'm still working on it.