𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 ; 𝐝𝐬

0.4

[E L A I N A  H O P E]

since i saw him yesterday, he's been the only thing on my mind.

i've been feeling almost enlightened since i saw him.

i've been happier.

sam said she could even see it.

she said there weren't any bags under my eyes and that my cold, black eyes have turned back to their natural muddy brown color.

i did a shoot for vogue this morning, and the photographer said i did so good that i'm going to be on the front of vogue magazine in a couple of days.

but the thing is, i don't understand why he makes me feel so happy.

he cheated on me.

he slept with another girl and was about to sleep with her again before i walked in.

but i still love him.

but we're older now.

we've matured.

he wouldn't do that to anyone ever again after finding out the consequences of doing it once.

~

i look down and feel my phone start to vibrate, and its a text from jack.

why is jack texting me?

--

ramen noodles🍜: hello there.

me💞: it's been a while, mr. avery.

ramen noodles🍜: indeed it has, ms. hope. i figured that while zach is talking to you, that it was safe for me to talk to you, too.

me💞: safe?

ramen noodles🍜: well, right after the events of four years ago, daniel got super stressed and didn't want any of us talking to you. we haven't really done anything about it since, not knowing if he would get mad or not.

me💞: i guess that makes sense if i think about it.

ramen noodles🍜: i've missed having you around. the place is kind of dull without your happy energy.

me💞: i've missed you guys, too. especially you and zach. you guys were literally brothers to me.

ramen noodles🍜: so how's life been?

me💞: well, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me the other day, but i said no and now we're not together anymore.

ramen noodles🍜: that sucks. do you mind if i ask why you said no?

me💞: no, i don't mind. i just didn't feel totally committed to the relationship. i didn't want to get married to the guy when i didn't even love him.

ramen noodles 🍜:  that's good that you're following your heart. you don't want to do anything that doesn't make you comfortable.

me💞: the thing is, i'm not even sad about it. when we broke up, it was like nothing really changed.

ramen noodles 🍜: then i guess it wasn't meant to be. i'm glad you made a good decision that would benefit your life for the better.

me💞: so how's your life going?

ramen noodles🍜: it's going quite swell. the band has gone on two more world tours since you left, and i got myself a girlfriend.

me💞: ooooooh, tell me about her.

ramen noodles🍜: well, her name is gabbie. she's so nice and funny. she is so sweet, and she cares about everyone, even if she doesn't like them.

me💞: she sounds perfect for you, jack. i'm glad you're happy.

ramen noodles 🍜: we should meet up sometime.

me💞: yeah, i have a shoot tomorrow, but we can meet up after if you're free.

ramen noodles 🍜: sure! 

me💞: how about five o'clock at the mall?

ramen noodles 🍜: perfect, i'll see you then.

--

i sighed and laid back in bed.

i haven't talked to jack in so long.

i wonder what he looks like now, or if he still has his noodles.

i hope he does. he really made those work.

now that i think about it, zach and jack were the only ones who i didn't block after the whole daniel fiasco.

i wonder if the others have tried to contact me.

i unblocked all of their numbers, including daniel's, because i felt no need to have them blocked any longer.

just then, i had many, many texts come through.

[D A N I E L  S E A V E Y]

i was sitting in my room, scrolling through instagram on my phone, just as i have every day, when a heard a bunch of sounds come from my phone. it sounded the the sound effect when you send a message and it goes through.

i was confused, so i went to my messages app to check it.

it was all the messages i had sent her.

she unblocked me, and now all the messages were going through.

let's just say, it was a lot of messages.

it was just on after another of texts getting sent.

but then there was one that i sent about a month ago.

i had sent it to her because i knew she had blocked me and she would never receive it.

but she did. 

the message read:

dear elaina,

it's been four years. four miserable years. i know you've blocked me, and i know you'll never read this, but i just want to say i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry for everything i did when we were eighteen. i'm sorry for cheating on you. i'm sorry for ignoring you. i'm sorry for not being loyal to you. the truth is, i thought you forgot about me. you were so busy with work that i thought you didn't care about me anymore, but i was too naive to realize that you really did care. you really cared about me, but i fucked that up. i let my thoughts get in the way and i didn't feel loved, though the only real sense of love that i have ever felt was right there all along. when we were at that party, i saw a girl that reminded me of you so i thought i could hit her up. let's just say, that was the biggest regret of my life. i know it's been four years, and that you've probably moved on by now, but i still love you. you still hold the key to my heart, and you're the only one who can open it. i'm so sorry.

from, daniel.

what have i done?

♡