WORDS UNSPOKEN ➸ BELLAMY BLAKE (2)

{005}

Another day is gone and I finally realized that we can still live in the ark. I was so devastated that I didn't realize it. Of course there are a lot of things that won't work anymore. But at least we can still live in here.

''Do you really have to go?'' I ask Bellamy when I finally found him.
I heard from Octavia that he is going to Raven. Apparently she found or did something that needs gasoline so that is what he and Clarke are going to bring her. And Roan and a few of his men are going with them. I don't trust them with Bellamy and Clarke but Clarke seems to trust him so it's her choice.

''I have to do this. And as much as I want you with me you have to stay here. You heard what Kane said. Everything is going to fast for you. The baby can come pretty fast even though you still have five months,'' Bellamy says while he takes me into a hug.

Octavia is angry with him. For killing Lincoln. I was angry with him for that reason. But not anymore. My anger is gone for a while now. And I don't understand why she is still angry at him.
''He killed the love of my life''. That's what she said when I asked her about it. She said that Bellamy is still alive just because he is her brother. But I know that behind all her anger there is still love for him. She still loves her brother. But neither her or Bellamy know that.

''Just come back safely,'' I whisper while I close my eyes to take in this moment. If something happens to him then I don't know what to do. Our child will grow up without a father. Maybe even without a mother. Because I can't live without him. He's my rock. He keeps me up when I feel down. That's when I realize how Octavia must feel. Lincoln was her rock. He kept her up when she felt down.

''I'll come back safely. I promise. But please promise me you will be save as well,'' Bellamy whispers back.
This is what Octavia wanted. For Lincoln to came back safely. To be save. To promise her this. But he didn't promise her because he knew that he wouldn't keep it.

''I promise.''
And those words were the last words I said before he went on his trip with Clarke. Those were the last words I said to him before I went to see Octavia. I listened to her while she cried. I listened to her while she told me how much she loved Lincoln. How much she wants to forgive her brother but she just can't. Because she thinks that he is the cause of his death. But it isn't. It was Pike who killed the love of her live.

And now she is just like him. She's standing like Pike. Holding a gun. Pointing it so someone's head. Asking for his last words. People trying to stop her. But it was me who really got her. I understand why she is doing this. Why she is trying to stop her tears but can't succeed.
''Octavia, you lost Lincoln. Don't lose yourself too. This is not what he would have wanted. You're acting like Pike.''

She looks at me with tears in her eyes and waits for the next words. The gun still pointed at Illian's head.
''Don't lose yourself, Octavia. None of this is your fault. Nor Bellamy's. It was Pike's fault. Don't turn into Pike. You're a beautiful girl. From the outside but also from the inside. Listen to what you really want. You don't want revenge. You just want Lincoln back. We all want him back. But little do we know that he is here. We can't see him but we can feel him. In our hearts. Find him in your heart Octavia. Find him and you'll find yourself,'' I say while the tears are on my cheeks.

We all know that he is always in our hearts. He is always around us. Looking at the things we do. Thinking about how everything could have went better. And I say the next words while I think about Lincoln. He would have said this.
''Put the gun down, Octavia.''

That's when she breaks. She lets the gun fall and she cries. She puts her arms around my neck and she finally shows what she was holding in for so long. Lose. She lost him. She misses him. And she wants him back. I hold her while she cries. While we both cry. Because she is not he only one who wants him back.