WORDS UNSPOKEN ➸ BELLAMY BLAKE (2)

{011}

Season 5

"Clarke, it's been six years. I miss you. We all miss you. Everyone here is pretending to have forgotten about you because it hurts so damn much. But I can look right past them. They are all still grieving your death."

I put my finger of the button for a few seconds to look up. It's the middle of the night. I always talk to the radio at night when everyone is asleep.

Lincoln has fallen asleep on the couch an hour ago. His long black hair has fallen in front of his eyes but I know that he's sleeping. He's six but already knows about everything that is going on here.

Then there's Bellamy. He's lying in our bed also asleep. Every day he looks out of the window at the little green spot on earth. It's like the fire missed that spot. Bellamy his hair has also grown and he has a beard now. It's not long or anything but it's there.

"We all changed the moment we lost everyone. The moment we lost you. God, I don't even remember the last words I said to you but I know that they weren't nice. I wish I could take them back."

A tear falls down on my cheek and I quickly wipe it away before letting out a sigh. I have been doing this for two years now and every day I tell her what is going on here, what she's missing. But every time it hurts.

"I don't know if you're alive but if you are then please just respond. I just want to hear your voice again. I just want you to tell me that you're okay. Just tell me that you're okay so we can come down and I can see you again. I see you in my dreams sometimes. Most of the times I see you dying. I always wake up crying."

I wanted to stop talking and go to sleep but I just can't. I've got much more to say. After two years you would think that I wouldn't have any words left but that's not the case.

"Sometimes I don't feel anything. No pain, no feelings, nothing. It's a bad thing but also a good thing. Because then for a few seconds I stop thinking about everyone I lost. The others here are worried about me even though I'm fine. They don't know that I talk to you except Bellamy. I mean, that I talk to you without getting a response."

Suddenly there is a hand on my shoulder and the radio falls out of my hand. I look behind me and see Bellamy standing with a sad look on his face. I've always hated it to see him being hurt or sad but now I can't even thinking about that. The only thing that's on my mind at the moment is Clarke. She's always on my mind when I talk to her on the radio.

"Come back to bed, Emily. We'll try tomorrow night again. Together."
I look at Bellamy while he says those words and he tries to smile but he fails. I wipe away my tears and stand up to walk back to bed with him.

"Mom? Why are you crying?"
Bellamy goes to lie in bed while I walk towards Lincoln. I sit on the couch while he is looking at me with a frown.

"Because I was thinking about your aunt. I just miss her, that's all. Now why don't you get up so we can walk to your room? I think your bed is much more comfortable than the couch," I say with a real smile.

Lincoln slowly stands up clearly being tired and I walk with him towards his room. Once he reaches his bed he quickly gets in and I sit next to him again. What I didn't expect was for him to take my hand.

"Ai mema we em seintaim."
I laugh softly and push his hair back. I should really cut it someday. But he likes his hair because it makes him look like his father.

"Now what did I tell you about using trigedasleng?" I ask him. He knows damn well that no one else except for me and him know what he is saying. Echo has almost forgotten about the language even though she spoke it for her whole life. And I know Emori knows it but she always talks in english.