Safe & Sound

Chapter 10

I wave goodbye to Owen and walk out of the gym. I suddenly feel weak. I lean against the wall. Why did I do this? Making friends was a mistake. 

Now when I'm about to die, they'll be more people to mourn over. More people that will make it harder for me to leave. 

I run into Jennifer just as I'm about to go and get her in the library.

Jennifer smiles. "How was the danc- Oh my God, Macbeth Choiselat! What happened to your face!" Jennifer exclaims, pointing to my nose.

I shake my head. "It's my own business."

Jennifer stops walking and looks at me.

"You tell me what happened or I'm going into that gym right now and asking someone what happened." Jennifer says, with her hands on her hips.

I know I'm supposed to be scared, but I can't help myself from laughing. "Promise you won't tell Mom?" I ask her.

"Promise!" She says. Jennifer may be my therapist, but she's more like a sister to me.

I tell her the whole story of the fight as we walk to the bus.

"You punched a kid in the face!?" She asks, taken back.

I nod. "Yeah! It was a pretty good hit too!"

"Well, if your going to hit someone it might as well be hard." She laughs.

Jennifer takes in the whole story as we ride on the transit bus.

I look at her, and I can't read her expression. "Are you mad?"

She shakes her head. "I'm just glad your okay."

Soon we reach the hospital. Back to torture.

Right before Jennifer and I walk into the hospital I take one more deep breath of fresh air. God I missed outside. I step into the stale hospital, and slowly walk back into my room. My freedom is over. 

I walk over to the mirror.

I look into the glass to see a beautiful girl. That's not me. The make-up and dress is hiding the real me. I scrub off all the make-up, and change into the hospital gown. I take the bandanna off my head, then look back at myself. It's hard to believe that the girl I was looking at minuets ago is the one I see in the mirror now. I look exhausted. My skin is pale. My cheeks are hollow. My head is bare. There are huge bags under my eyes. My nose is cooked, and has blood marks from the punch. I look older. But not in a good way. This is the real me. Even though I don't want to accept that. Do people like me for this, or the girl I saw earlier? Would people still like me if they saw me like this? Sandy? Owen? Jennifer? Mom- even? Then I realize why these people like me. They like me for who I am. They could care less about my looks. I smile at the thought of people liking the real me.

I leave the mirror and sit on my bed. I slowly drift off to sleep.

I'm in my Safe Place. I am sitting on the grassy ground, under the warm sun. I get up, grab my bow and arrow, and walk into the field. I look around to see birds flying above my head. Trees dancing in the wind. I look around to see no one else. Just me and nature. Nothing is with me. No Social Anxiety. No Lung Cancer which is going to cut your life short. Just a regular girl. 

I see the white dots I painted on trees for archery aim. I take an arrow from the floor and position it on the bow. I aim right at the dot. I let the arrow fly, and it hits the target. I smile, retrieve it and try again. I shoot the target several times, until I become bored and decide to do something else. 

I lay down in the tall grasses, disappearing in the various grains. I lie there for a moment. Peacefully. Some people's life is like this. They never have to worry about weather they'll live to see the next day, or have the strength every morning to get up. I lie there and think of how lucky they are. I could stay here forever. Alone. Peaceful. No worries. 

But that's not how life goes. 

I'm not in my Safe Place anymore. I'm at home. The place where I haven't been for weeks. I walk inside, to see Mom sitting in the dining room with someone else. Doctor Hanna? I see her and Mom discussing something. I walk over to her, and sit down beside the Doctor. 

"Mrs. Choiselat, I've come here to discuss something very serious with you." Doctor Hannah says, reading small notes she wrote on a clipboard. "We've discovered something. Something bad."

"Is it something wrong with my girl?" Mom asks. "Macbeth's been acting the happiest I've seen her in years. There can't be anything wrong" 

Doctor Hannah shakes her head slightly. "Mrs. Choiselat, it seems that we have found traces of Lung Cancer in your daughter." She says steadily.

Mom is instantly changes from a nice caring mom, to the same person I saw when Dad left. Sad. Confused. Angry. Mom starts to sob, and covers her face in her hands. "My girl..." 

Doctor Hannah keeps on talking. "We are only suspecting this, so would it be okay if we took some tests on her, to make sure that this isn't the case." 

Mom nods. 

Doctor smiles sadly. "This must be a lot to take it, but I assure you, it will be alright."

Now I'm somewhere else. In the hospital. I see Jennifer standing in front of my family. My friends. The people I love. 

"We have some news." She says. I can tell that she's been crying. Jennifer's eyes are all puffy, and her voice is shaking. "Mack's Cancer is now on Stage 4. There's no way she can survive this. She'll need a miracle."

Mom is the first to react. She runs away. I follow her. She runs into her car and locks the doors. She screams something, then collapsed into a sobbing mess. "My girl!" She scream-cries. 

Then Mom throws all off the papers away in the car. She rips them, or crumbles them. I look at what papers they were. Letters. 

Letters to me. From Mom. Letters explaining why she wasn't by my side in the hospital. Why she hasn't been as strong as me. 

Mom leans her head on the steering wheel and cries. And cries. And cries. She cries for what could possibly be hours. Mom loves me. She cares. I wan't to get out of this fix and hug her. I want to wake up from this dream and tell her that it will be okay. But I can't. I walk up to her, and try to comfort her, but she can't hear me. 

Then I wake up.