Safe & Sound

Chapter 19

It's been three days since the hospital burnt down. Nothing eventful has happened since my birthday. Sandy has visited a couple of times, and Owen has moved back to his house from this hospital. 

Everyone here calls this new hospital the Panell. I don't have a clue why they do. They just do. 

I've been stuck at the Panell because they want to start Chemotherapy on me. I may not know a lot about what's wrong with me, but I'm not stupid. I know there not doing Chemo. You do Chemo while you have Cancer. If the Cancer is really killed, we wouldn't be doing Chemo. I try to ask the Doctors what there doing, but every time they always lie and say "Chemotherapy".

Jennifer's still in operation. 3 and a half day operation. I also think the Doctors are lying that there still doing an operation on Jennifer. Tests to see if her Leukemia has gotten worse don't take 3 and a half days. 

I've been alone. At least I'm not confined to a small room. This time I can walk around the Panell. I only need to go into a room when I get my daily 'Chemo session'. 

My new room is more like the operation room in the old hospital than my old room. It's dark and cold. 

Right now I'm sitting on the steps into the Panell outside. It's a lovely day outside, and I'm just taking in all the sun. 

I feel my phone buzz, expecting it's a text from Sandy, I don't look at it. I close my eyes and let the sun beat down on my face. My hair is still as short as it was before, but I'm starting to look a lot better than before. I still am pale, but my cheeks aren't as hollow and I don't look as sick. My phone buzzes twice more, and I decide to look at it. What does Sandy want? But it's not from Sandy. The text is from Mom.

Mom: Meet me in the Cafeteria.

Mom: Macbeth?

Mom: Macbeth!

Me: Why? Is something wrong?

Mom: Just come.

I slowly get up and walk inside to find Mom sitting in the Cafeteria. 

"Mom, what is it?" I ask as I run towards her. "Is everyone okay?"

Mom doesn't reply. Instead, she just barely shakes her head -no. 

"What does that mean! Who's not okay?" I ask Mom. Why isn't she talking? She just has a blank stare.

Mom says something, but you can barely hear. She dosen't even mover her mouth when she says it. "Jennifer."

But before Mom can do anything else, I bolt up the stairs to the operation room. I see through the window what looks like fifty Nurses and Doctors huddled around Jennifer's bed. 

I try to open the door, but it's locked. I see Doctor Hannah walk towards the door. She comes out of the room and looks down at me. "I'm afraid Jennifer Collins isn't doing well."

"Whats wrong with her!" I say, worriedly. Jennifer was getting better. She should have been getting better. 

"Her Leukemia is incredibly strong. It is a wonder that she is still alive." Doctor Hannah says quietly. 

I scan her face. "So she's alive!" 

"Barely." Doctor Hannah looks like she's about to cry. "We can't save her Macbeth. It's hopeless."

Suddenly the nurse from yesterday bursts out of the operation room, whispers something to Doctor Hannah, then they both run back into the operation room. Somethings gone either right, or wrong.

  I don't believe it for a second. Jennifer can't be dead. She cant be dying. She's too young. There's too many things she hasn't done. Too many places she hasn't been.  Jennifer will get better. I know she will. She's strong. I remember that time in the old hospitals cafeteria where Jennifer told me I saved her. I gave her the will to live. I showed her hope. She can't die. She wont. Jennifer wont die. 

I try bursting into the room, but a Nurse takes me away from here. "Please, you can't interrupt the doctors. I'll find you and notify as soon as we get any news, okay?" 

I nod, and walk away. I feel just like when I was diagnosed with Cancer. I feel like I'm floating in a weird universe. 

I go downstairs. I see Mom still sitting in the cafeteria alone. She's not herself. It's like Mom's in her own world. Her own dark world. 

I decide to go somewhere else. I walk around, but the Panell is much more boring than the old hospital. I call Sandy and Owen and ask them if they want to come here. Only Owen can come, since Sandy is at some music lesson -but one person is better than nothing. Owen arrives about half an hour later, and we go to the library (I wouldn't consider it a library. It's more like a corner of the Panell with a single bookshelf with a handful of books on it.) and talk. Sandy's a great friend to hang out with, but I find Owen is a better person to talk to. I need company.

"Owen," I say quietly. "Who was Annabelle?"

He sighs, and sits down on the small couch across from the bookshelf. "Annabelle was my 5 year old sister. She was so weak for a 5 year old. Anna had a terrible immune system, and she was constantly sick. But she was incredibly strong in the brain. She was the smartest, bravest, most determined little girl I knew. One day Anna got really sick. We brought her to the doctors and they told us to bring her to a hospital. When we did she was diagnosed with Cancer. My parent and I stayed with her the whole time, until one day she couldn't take it anymore. Annabelle went into a surgery, and she didn't survive it. I still remember what she said to me before though. She told me that she wanted to survive. I promised her she would. She didn't give up during that surgery. Something went wrong. Anna wouldn't just give up. Right after they said that this was the end for her, I went and saw her. I told Annabelle that she was just going to sleep, and when she wakes up she'll be in a better place." 

Just like in the song Safe & Sound: Just close your eyes, the sun is going down, You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now, Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound.

I realize that Jennifer is in so much pain right now. If she lives, her life would be ruined. She would be stuck in this hospital forever. Or she would die painfully. But she won't survive. It's just the truth. Jennifer Collins will not survive Leukemia. I let that sink in. It's just like Owens story about Annabelle, and the song. If Jennifer goes to sleep now and dies, she'll wake up in a better place. 

A safer place.