Safe & Sound

Chapter 20

Jennifer Collins died at 12:39 pm on March 14, 2018.

Only minuets after Owen left the hospital, Doctor Hannah told me to go to the operation room. Quickly. I rush there to see Jennifer looking worse than ever. 

"Jennifer!" I exclaim, running towards her. Just by the dead look on her face, I know this is the end for her. 

She opens her eyes slightly, then smiles. "Macbeth, this is the end." She says, tears flowing down her cheeks. "But please remember that you aren't alone. You will never be alone. No matter how stranded you feel. Please remember that."

I start to cry too, as I sit on the chair beside her bed. "Jennifer, you saved my life. You gave me hope. When I was alone in the hospital room, and you came I hated you. I hated how you said it would be okay, because I thought you were just like everyone else. Then you became like a sister to me. You saved my life."

Jennifer smiles, and I can tell she is fighting. Fighting for her life. I know she is going to die now, so I start to sing.

"I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said don't leave me here alone
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonightJust close your eyes, the sun is going down
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and soundDon't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby even when the musics gone, Just close your eyes, the sun is going down
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and soundJust close your eyes, you'll be alright

Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound"

I as the song stops, so does Jennifer's life. I stand up, and see doctors rushing in. They look at her heart beat, then slowly shake their head. She is dead. Jennifer Collins is dead. 

I feel my knees giving up. I back into a wall to steady myself. I slowly sink down to the floor, and let salty tears drown my sorrow. Jennifer Collins is dead. 

It's not fair. It's not fair how I survived, and Jennifer didn't. It's not fair that Jennifer died at only 21 years old. She was too young. Too kind. She didn't deserve such a terrible ending. There were too many damn things she hasn't done. Too many  places she hasn't been. 

She saved my life.

 But I couldn't save hers.

I rush out of the room and run into the halls. I see Mom, and I collapse into her arms. Jennifer is dead. She's dead. She's dead and she's not coming back alive. How is that fair?

"It's not fair!" I sob into Moms arms. "It's not... It's not fair!"

Mom pats my hair, "It's not. But life isn't fair. Life isn't easy. Life is hard. It's a test to see if your strong enough to make it through it. For some people, they aren't strong enough. It's not that their weak, they just weren't chosen to survive."

Jennifer always hated it when I cried. She would always laugh and say, "Turn that frown upside down!". I rise up from Mom's arms, and wipe my tears away. Jennifer would want that.

Everything seems like a blur. Like an Anxiety attack. But my heart isn't racing. I just feel trapped. Confused. 

I pass by people in the hallways, but they all just seem to float by. None of them matter. I sit down on the floor right where Sandy and I were before. I re-live what just happened. Jennifer was dying. I sang her Safe & Sound -It's like in The Hunger Games when Katniss sings to Rue when she's dying- Jennifer told me something. She told me never to feel alone. 

But that's exactly how I feel now. Alone.

Someone sits beside me, but I don't bother to look who it is. We sit there for a bit until they start talking.

"She was a great person. I've always thought of her like a daughter. Of course, we were close. I was her aunt. She was always such a bright kid. She went to University of Manitoba to be a teacher; she loved helping people. Then, she was diagnosed with Leukemia. That didn't stop her though. She kept on studying to be a teacher, until they wouldn't allow her to stay. They wanted her to 'have time to heal.' She just stopped school, when I met you. I knew that you would feel alone, and that you'd need someone to be with you. Someone to talk to. That's when I asked her to talk to you. Try to help you with this terrible event. She was only supposed to talk to you once, but she started to talk to you everyday. She thought of you like a sister. Than the Leukemia spread. But she didn't want to stop talking to you. Then, the hospital set on fire. All the smoke, all the people, and all the chaos is what put her over the edge. She fainted, and we brought her here to the Panell. She wasn't doing good. She was dying. Then this morning, we knew, this was her end. Just before she died, she asked me if I could bring you in, so she could talk to you one last time. Then you sung to her. She died peacefully." 

I turn to see who was talking. It was Doctor Hannah. 

"I didn't know you knew Jennifer that much." I say quietly, "She never told me that"

She sighs. "Jennifer and I were close, but we drifted apart. We are only 7 years apart, so I guess it was weird for her to have her only aunt close her her age." 

I nod. "How old is Jennifer's mum?" 

"A bit older than me. She had Jennifer while she was quite young." Doctor Hannah says. Then tears start streaming down her face, and I don't think she remembers I'm there. "Families are weird. One moment you think that they'll never leave you, then the next moment they do."

I think about Mom. When I was diagnosed with this, she told me that she would stay by my side the whole time. Less than a week later I rarely see her. I've only seen my sisters three times this whole time. I know for a fact they don't care about me. Then I think about Annabelle. Owens little sister. It must feel the same way for him. One day he thinks that Anna will be a normal little sister. A person who cares about him. Someone that will never leave him. Then the next day she's diagnosed with Cancer, and she leaves him alone. 

"Did your sister die?" I ask slowly. 

Doctor Hannah nods, then smiles through her tears. "She died peacefully though. One day she went to bed, and never woke up. Jennifer was crushed. My whole world fell apart. Me and Jane were inseparable." Doctor Hannah turns to me. "Jennifer was like your sister. I know how this feels Mack. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

I realize that is almost exactly what Jennifer said the day I met her. I didn't believe her, but I know better now.

I nod, then Doctor Hannah gets up. "You know you can leave now." She says.

"Leave to go where?" I ask her. There's no where else to go. I'm stuck here at the Panell. 

"Home"