Safe & Sound

Chapter 21

The funeral is today.

Mom and I've been back at home for exactly a week now. I actually miss the hospital. I've been there for months now, and it feels so weird to be back at home. Being at a place where your alone. There aren't hundreds of people rushing around you, saving lives. Yesterday I got a call from Doctor Hannah. We've been talking a bit, helping each other cope without Jennifer. Yesterday Doctor Hannah called saying that Jennifer's funeral will be tomorrow. She would like me to give the eulogy.

Going to my dead 'sisters' funeral is enough. Now I have to give an eulogy. I can't public speak. But more importantly, I can't bare go to a funeral. For Jennifer. I've processed now that Jennifer is gone, but I can't help feeling guilty. Doctor Hannah says it 'Survivors Guilt'. Nearly everyone who has survived Cancer has gotten it. You feel guilty that you survived.

I cannot do Jennifer's eulogy. But for some odd reason, I said I would do it. Jennifer would want me to do it.

The day crept on slowly, and I finally came up with a speech. I still haven't memorized it yet, so I'm bringing cue cards to read off of.

I have to leave for the funeral is in a couple of minuets, and I need to get dressed. I try on a bunch of things, but everything I have is now to big on me, since I've become so much skinnier. Some girls constantly whine about how they want to be skinny, but this is a bad skinny. I've barely eaten any food, so now I'm skin and bones.

I finally find a nice, loose, silky black dress. It's sleeveless, and about knee height. There's a silk collar on the neck, and a few buttons. In books I always read that people wear black to funerals, so I decide I should do the same. I put on a pair of small pear earrings, and I look in the mirror. I'm starting to grow back a bit of my hair, and I look less sick. I put on some colorless lip chap, and walk out of my room.

I meet Mom in the garage and we ride off silently to the funeral. As I pass by fields on our way into the city, I remember my Safe Place. We just passed it.

I'm in my Safe Place, but I'm not alone. Sandy and Owen are there. Mom and Doctor Hannah are there. Other friends and family are all there. There all celebrating something. I walk into the crowd of people, and bump into someone. "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going." I say looking up at the person. It was Jennifer.

I wake up, and realize I'm still in the car. Why did I just go back to my Safe Place? Were pulling up in the parking lot of the Funeral Chapel. My hands start to shake as I reach out for my cue cards. I can't mess up.

I see Doctor Hannah in black dress pants, and a black blouse. She walks up to me, and hands me a thin silver chain. At the end of it is a small star shaped crystal. "For you. It was Jennifer's. She treasured it, but I figured she would want you to have it."

I put it on my neck, it is beautiful. "Thank you." I say quietly. "Thank you so much."

She smiles, then we start walking in the Funeral Chapel.

I meet up with Sandy and Owen, who are both wearing black. Everyone here is pretty much dressed the same. All the women are in black dresses, or in dress pants and blouses, and all the men are in black suits. Owen and Sandy are no exception.We all sit down at the tables, when the Priest tells us to go outside.

We all walk outside to a beautiful set-up. There is a sea of white chairs, a marble alter, and at the center of it all, a large white coffin with flowers surrounding it. Jennifer's coffin. I rush to my seat, and try to not look at the coffin. Sandy and Owen sit beside me, and the reception starts.

The Priest starts talking, but I don't pay attention at all. My eyes are fixed on Jennifer's coffin. Then I feel Sandy nudging me.

"Your turn to talk." She whispers to me. I nod, and slowly raise out of my chair. I feel all eyes on me. I walk up the the front, with my cue cards in my hand. As I walk up the front I pass by Jennifer's coffin. It's open, so I see her face. She's lying there, peacefully. She reminds me of a candle. A candle that's flickered out to soon. She died. She's gone. A single tear falls down my cheek. She didn't deserve to die.

I walk up to the podium, and am about to read my cue cards, when I see Jennifer's face. I slowly out the cue cards down.

"There is this song, called Safe and Sound. It is about dying, and even though it is painful, when you wake up, you'll be in a better place. A safer place. I sung that song to Jennifer when she was dying. It was the last thing I said to her." I look up at the crowd

"I had the opportunity of having Jennifer Collins apart of my life. I was her patient. Like Jennifer, I had Cancer. Lung Cancer. She was 'That Person I Could Talk To', but soon she became so much more. She turned into a sister. Words cannot describe what Jennifer was like to me. Jennifer gave me hope to keep going, no matter how hard the task was. To not give up fighting Cancer." I take a breath. "She saved my life. But I couldn't save hers." Tears fall down my cheek, and I see multiple people in the audience crying too. But I shake my head and try to be positive.

 "But Jennifer didn't like it when I would become negative. She wouldn't like it when I would focus on the negative things. When I feel down about how Jennifer is gone, I would remember the good times that I shared with her. When we walked in the park, when she 'Hospital-Schooled' me, when she told me that "If your going to punch someone it might as well be hard."" I look down at my necklace, and laugh a bit through the tears. 

"Jennifer taught me not to dwell on the bad things. To remember the good things, and cherish them. Hold on to them. Jennifer Collins was an amazing person. Just remember what she taught me. Don't focus life on the bad things. Focus it on the good things, even when it seems impossible." I finish saying. By now some people in the crowd are bawling. 

"Thank you"

I walk down from the podium. I rush down to my seat.

As much as I never wanted Jennifer to leave, she had to. That's life. The people you love will leave, so you can waste your time mourning about them, or use your time well to remember all the good memories. To cherish them. Now Jennifer's in a better place. Maybe she's in her own Safe Place. But now, she's not suffering anymore. She's safe. 

Safe & Sound.

The End of Book 1