paper crown (been rewritten better under the name "Wonderwall - mclennon")

Chapter 22

**little nite thingy here, I don't know how g tubes work so this is just a wild guess, there honestly isn't much info that I could find on these sorts of diets but if you're really interested I guess you could find some stuff**

Paul pov

   The boys loud chatter could still be faintly heard as I shuffled down the oak wood floors and to the music room. It was a large room with a bay window - tightly drawn to keep fans and such from glancing in- the walks were a light gray and along with an assortment of instruments, thee were two arm chairs and a couch in the far back of the room.
   Quietly, I sat down on the chair I had been writing on previously with my bag of wierd liquidized food in my hand. John sat opposite me on the free armchair and watched silently as I tried to set it up. I tried following the instructions the nurse gave me to orginsie the, rather tangled, tube as John continued to stare.

   "how long do you need to use it?"

  John asked, again in an almost expressionless voice. I don't know why he had to be here, he wasn't really saying or doing anything. Just watching me fiddle with this piece of shit.

  "I don't know. I suppose the dietician will tell me."

  I said simply as I hooked the tube over my ears and cringed as the disgusting liquid intruded my nostrils. When I had done this in the hospital I cried for God knows how long in front of the nurses. Goddam embarrassing it was. I just hope no one tells the press.
  I remember two nursed sat either side of me. One rubbing my back while the other held the pouch of food. Both doing their upmost best to calm down the fucking 21 year old who was crying like a child.
   When they asked why I was crying I told them it hurt and I didn't like how it felt. Which was partly true as I did feel like shit and it left your nose raw after using it. But it was the guilt of it more than anything.

   The world knew I cheated. Well, they knew I didn't eat enough but they didn't know it was me choosing to do it. But now everyone knows I need to have this fucking tube and stick out like a sore thumb. Additionally I couldn't control my weight anymore. With this piece of shit I had no choice but to eat whatever was in the pouch. I'm being forced to put in weight and I don't have the option to stop it... I've lost control.

   "Are you alright, mate?"

  John pulled me back to reality. Obviously noticing that I had gone into a sort of trance. He didn't sound too warming but he didn't sound as before as before either.

  "yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

  I mumbled as the disgusting food continued to make its way down. My throat felt tighter than normal but it wasn't too uncomfortable. To go along with that though my chest felt. Unusually tight too. The room just felt awkward now. We didn't speak to each other and only sat in silence as the tube did its work. making me miss the normally easy nature of our convocations.

   Truthfully, I can't help but feel guilty. I've hurt him, ran away from him, overall treated him like shit and now that I've gotten myself into such a situation he can't even shout at me for it. It wasn't fair at all, he shouldn't have to pretend he isn't pissed, he shouldn't even been pissed in the first place because I shouldn't have ran off.

  My hands moved an I felt something hard slide against the tube. I looked down and saw the silver ring. The ring John gave me when I ran from him. The one with the crown and the diamond. I've just been so caught up in everything I forgot to take it off. Now because of my own carelessness John's probably noticed and I've just rubbed salt into the wound. What's wrong with me.

  "I'm sorry."

   I said, quietly but so he could still near it. After the two words left my mouth I instantly regretted it. So I've fucking ran away from him, rubbed it in. And now I've Braught it all up way too soon. What the fuck is wrong with me.
  My throat seemed to get even tighter and my heart noticeably sped up. I didn't want to be here. I had to leave.
   Without thinking I stood up as fast as I could without getting dizzy and ran as fast as I could out the room and up the stairs. I didn't hear John but I also wasn't listening, all I could hear was the rapid beating in my ear grtting louder and louder.

   I took a sharp left and ran into my bedroom where I tightly shut and locked the door before slowly sliding down against it.
   My index finger and thumb slid down the tube and pinched it near the bottom. Stopping the food.

   "I can't do this."

   I mumbled brokenly as the tears began to fall. I couldn't do this at all.

_____________________________________________

   I actually need to learnt to write. Like I've forgotten how to use full stops and commas. Like I've gone crazy!??
   I'll try and sort something out for next chapter. Also, I'm going to try and add more description to my story from now on.

   Still regretting sending him to the hospital.