paper crown (been rewritten better under the name "Wonderwall - mclennon")

chapter three

  "Can't I sleep on the couch or something?"

  I whined as the taxi drove down the busy rodes from the post concert mayhem. I was squashed between George and John as Ringo took the much desired front seat in the taxi.
  I had been complaining the whole way home and it was noticeably starting to annoy my band mates. If it weren't for the fact I could feel the fat of my legs and arms pressing into my band mates I would have gladly stopped my whining by now. But it was only a coping mechanism. If I stop then I will only feel worse.

  Besides maybe if I complain enough then I'd be able to sleep on my own away from anyone who could judge me.

  "Paul. We've told you 100 times and we won't tell you again. You need to sleep with John tonight. There's two beds which is enough for us all to sleep in them. So we will sleep in them."

  George explained again. A hint of irritation clear in his voice. I look down to my lap in silence. It seemed so clear to them how it would work out. But to me this will never work. I'd get no sleep this way. I mean yeah a hard couch would give me a bad back but sharing a bed with John will give me a panic attack and ruin our friendship.

  "What's wrong with sleeping with me anyway paulie?"

  One of John's strong arms came round to wrap around my sholder. Resulting in me tensing up almost instantly as he made even more preventable contact with me.
  I remember when this innocent contact used to comfort me. I remember when I loved the idea of sharing a bed with my best friend because I could cuddle up to him and sleep through the night.
  I only ever slept really well when I was with john. His sent was so comforting and his embr embrace was so warm it just blocked out the rest of the world while his soft, rhythmic breathing almost sang me to sleep.

  That wasn't the case anymore.

  I just lay awake with my mind racing with thoughts about this being the last time I spent time with him. The last time he wanted to look at me or be around me because I was so fucking horrible.

  Well, I have been able to avoided sleeping with john since I've been like this. But I bet that will happen. Cuddling wouldn't be the same with all that extra wieght.

  Guys shouldn't cuddle anyeay, that suits queer and illegal. When we last did that we where teens and innocent. It'd be a lot different now.
 
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