paper crown (been rewritten better under the name "Wonderwall - mclennon")

chapter 7

  Pauls pov

    Warmth. Blankets and pillows surrounded me. My eyes blinked open. All the lights were off so I couldn't see. Where was I again?
  I felt so comfortable. So well rested. I haven't slept that well in ages.
  Something moved behind me. Arms tightened around my waist as I shifted to turn the lamp on.

  I was being fucking cuddled?!

  No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. My hands slid over the wire of the lamp.looking the switch. Eventually I found it and the dull light came on.
  Oh yeah. I was in the hotel. Sharing a bed with John. And he was cuddling me. When did that happen? I don't remember falling asleep. Or undressing even. John did that for me? That wasn't Good.

  Slowly I untangled myself from my sleeping band mate. He stirred slightly but didn't wake. Great. At least one thing was good.

  After I was sure he was comfortable again I began to tip toe towards to bathroom. Would they have a scale here? Hopefully.
  I flicked the bathroom light on and scanned the room. A scale sat in the corner besides the toilet. Thank God.
  The old yellow lights buzzed quietly as I stripped my clothes and let them drop on the floor around my feet.

  My hands began to shake slightly as I took a deep breath. Just trying to build up the courage to step on to the scale. I needed to know. I needed to know that I lost weight.

Maybe if I did I could have something tiny got breakfast? I didn't want to faint again so if I did surely some sort of reward was in order.

Eat less. You're not loosing.

My own thoughts interrupted me. Maybe I'll just let myself work out a little less? 5 less minutes running? 10 less push ups? Seems a bit better. I'll have more strength aswell.

  My conflicting thoughts continued as I stepped into the scale. My eyes shot up to directly in front of me. I didn't want to look down. But I know I have to.

  Eventually curiousity got the best at me and my eyes traveled down to the numbers. The arrow pointed to 134. That's three pounds lost. I did it! I finally fucking lost! After all my fucking hard work.

  I stepped back the from scale. Letting the arrow return back to zero. A small wave of relief washed over me. I had lost. I wasn't at my goal weight but at least I was getting closer. I can't go back to bed now, wrap myself in the blankets and have a crumpet or something in the morning. I did it.

  As I turned to leave I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My feet stopped in this tracks as my doe eyes took in my body. I was only in my boxer shorts.

  I looked, sorta small. I could see my ribs a bit. My thighs didn't touch anymore.

  When I was 15 I didn't look like that. I looked full. Smooth thighs that touched slightly. A waist that dipped a but still had a little meat on it.

  Did I like this more? Did I really?

  I guess I do. I should like this more. This was beautiful apparently. Yeah. That was just my mind trying to trick me into eating more. To giving in. I couldn't do that!

  But why was I happier back then? When I had a little meat on my hips. When I used to sit on John's lap and pretend to be Cynthia. Pissing him off beyond belief. Times were so joyful back then. I suppose it was just because I was a kid? I guess I wasn't in the real world then. Was I? Isn't this what the world is? What the world wants? Why is it so painful to do?

  Who was it anyway. I didn't look like James Paul McCartney. I looked like "beatle member Paul McCartney" wasn't it the same? I was still the same person.

  Buy why do i look so different? Why do I feel so different? Why do I act so different. So closed off.
   Why did it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so much pain? Aren't I living the dream?

  "Macca? Where are ya?"

  The floor boards creaked outside the door. My breath got caught in my throat as the handle dipped down.
  The door creaked open. John stuck his head in.

  "Paul? What's wrong?"

  He asked me. His eyes laced with worry. I didn't know I was crying until know. Tears stained my cheeks and my whole body was shaking.

  "I'm hungry."

  I whimperd.

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