A Life Beyond (Hard Time Series Book 2)

Mother and Son Talks

Earlier that day

STEF POV

"Want an ice cream babe? I asked my son as we had taken a walk and found a nearby bench to sit on. As usual his eyes looked to the ground as the silence continued to grow between us. So badly did I need to follow my wife's advice in terms of him and really, really be patient which I had failed at so far. She was right this was not jail, this was not the den and I needed to be his mother the best I could before he was really in bad shape and ended up behind bars himself. That alone was my worst fear and I gently stroked his soft brown hair. "Simple yes or not would suffice ya know." 

"No." 

"Is it that much work to look at me or am I that horrible looking. I know I'm old and shit but you know I didn't think I was that bad looking for my age." I joked as his eyes soon looked to mine but quickly turned away. Yeah he was going to be tough I knew it and yeah it was partly his age among what happened in the past. But I needed to keep trying and Lena was right the patience I had with my girls I needed and owed him the same. "Jude you need to talk to me. You and I both need to talk about everything and about what happened.  Are you pissed at me? I mean what is it baby?"        

"It's nothing." He mumbled yet again and shruggin' his shoulders.

"Nothing huh? You talk to your uncle the way you talk to me? MM?"

Remaining silent I had to keep my patience. Big time.

"You know babe I told you this before but what happened that night was my fault. It wasn't yours. I made the poor choice to be with an abusive piece of shit and you forever asked me why. Why I stayed with him, why I let him kick my ass, and I never gave you an honest answer.  Maybe you know I wasn't ready to face the answer or whatever it was and I should have left forever ago and I didn't.  Maybe if I had left I never would have gone to jail and you wouldn't be so damm angry at me. But I get it Jude, I do. And it wasn't your job to protect me and I should never have put you in that position baby. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I ruined what we had."

"I don't get it."

"What don't you get?"

"You are like this strong woman, and person. You survived jail and you can beat up anyone, kick anyone's butt and you let him hurt you then. Why?"

"Honest I don't know love. I don't and maybe I never will know what was going through my mind then." I admitted as he looked to me rather frustrated and turning his gaze to the ground. "I tried to do right by you and I thought I was at the time but I was far from it.  Maybe I needed to go to jail to learn a few things that I would not have because Jude I wasn't doing the right thing at all. Most of my life I wasn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Ah well I didn't run a normal life honey. I broke alot of fucking laws, crap, I mean I broke alot of laws and did alot of shit that can get you locked up for real."

"Like what? I mean I know you use to well, dance."

"What?" I asked looking at him wide eyed.

"I saw you one night. When you took us. I know some of the things you did for money back then."

Letting out a sigh that was the last thing I ever wanted my son to see. Me dancing naked on a fucking pole for men.

"I'm sorry you saw that love. I am."

"Did you like doing that?"

"No. I hated it but at the time I didn't have many options based on the path I took and choices I made. It's um, it was complicated then more then I could really explain to you. And the truth is my baby, the truth is I would have ended up in jail regardless based on the way I was living and your uncle tried to tell me. Tried to get me to see that there was a better way to live but I guess at the time it didn't make much sense to me."