Confusing Carnations (Klance)

Ch 4: Avoidance

A week had passed since Keith had officially found out that he had Hanahaki disease. While they never communicated it, there was an almost unspoken rule that Keith's condition would remain a secret until further notice. Keith was grateful for it because the idea of confronted about it seemed awful. Despite keeping Pidge somewhat updated on his condition, Keith could never bring himself to tell Pidge who he was in love with; although, knowing Pidge, she already caught whiff of it and decided not to bring it up for Keith's sake.

    Withdrawing from others and avoidance were not new traits for Keith but the other paladins were beginning to become skeptical and worried as he become more distanced than he had already been. It seemed that only on missions was the red paladin ever really present and even then, he became more quiet. Not that Keith had ever been gregarious, but it was strange to see him giving less input in team efforts. Seeing that the other paladins were feeling something was off, Pidge half-lied and told the team that he was caught a virus.

As the author rapidly switched point of view because she is a goddamn amateur, I lied awake in my bed despite it being midday. The whole team thought I was merely sick because of Pidge's half truth so they all laid off hassling me in the meantime so that I could get well-needed rest. I was glad to get some time away to channel my thoughts, but frankly, the alone time somehow almost made it worse.

Since Lance was the source of my pain, I was relieved to be able to avoid him, but as I spent less time around him, my head began to wander. As much I hated to admit it, I felt the aching still because I missed him. I didn't know what was worse: being treated as an enemy by him or being without him.

At least when I was around him, I could see him smile. I could see him laugh to tears at his own stupid jokes. I loved the way he poked fun at his friends and how he spent so much time on beauty routines I couldn't even begin to understand. He was so breathtaking as he was. His eyes, his quirks, his optimism. As my thoughts drifted, I realized that I not only loved him for how he was but how he affected me. He motivated me to try to be better because I wanted, more than anything, to be the reason for one of his smiles. For him to notice me and be proud of me.

My chest tightened and I draped my arm over my eyes. I also loathed him. Before I met him, I never had felt so helpless. I never cared so much about what someone thought of me and I wished that I could go back to a time where Lance never walked into my life. My throat burned, as if calling me on my bluff. I wish I never met him. I clenched my jaw as my throat's burning intensified. I should just get the surgery and forget that idiot. Tears sprung to my eyes as I felt like shards of glass were clawing my neck. I began to cough furiously, sitting up a bit as to not mess up my bed.

When the coughing ceased and I opened my eyes to look at the mess of what looked like rose petals, I fell to my knees and began to sob. My shoulders shook and my chest ached.

I knew that deep down, I didn't regret meeting Lance. I never could bring myself to hate him either. Even with this new horror, seeing Lance even smile in the proximity of my direction almost made up for this. Almost. This situation only made me loathe myself and how weak I had become.

Shaking my head, I went to the bathroom to clean my face and then went back to clean the rose petals. After the floor was clean once again, I made a mental note to get some kind of container so that I wouldn't have to do so much cleaning in the future.

Cleaning everything up and looking at my clean floor, I felt slightly calmer and decided that it'd be a good idea to go train to let off steam. It'd also help get my mind off him.

Grabbing my sword, I left my room and made my way down to the training room.

I struggle to much to stick to 1st person point of view, lol. I thought I'd update tomorrow but I got really excited so I decided to post it tonight! I read over this and decided that no amount of editing can fix my inability to stick to one point of view. My writing is probably going to falter and switch between 3rd and 1st person til the end of this story. I just worry about confusing the readers! This story will always be in Keith's point of view asides from when I'm explaining other things happening around the ship. I'll try to be better about it! Thank you for reading my first story!