When It Comes To You |j.k

22: 監獄

"How was english class?"

We don't sit with bangtan during lunch breaks anymore. Jimin's always salty about us being together and Eunae and Taehyung just made up-we're not too eager to see their lovey dovey moments.

"Good." She mumbles as her fork attacks her food.

"What was today's class about?"

"We were just reviewing the test and stuff."

It's been really hard to talk to her these days.

"How's your sister been lately?"

"She's fine."

"Should I send some snacks from my place? I remember her liking them when she last came over."

"No, it's fine."

It was hard not to get pissed.

"Could you stop ignoring me?" I plead, and she stops moving her fork.

"Please?"

"I'm just trying to eat."

"You haven't been eating shit, now look at me." I take her fork a lot more forceful than I wanted to but it got her attention. She tries to take it back and I move it further away from her.

"What's been on your mind? What's making you go silent? You're a vocal person, you speak what's on your mind even if people try to give you shit for it. What you're acting like right now..this isn't you."

She's silent.

"Why won't you tell me what you feel?"

"Because I don't know," She sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling, to be doing. Do I break up with you? Do i let myself get selfish and stay with you? I don't know what I'm supposed to think of you, or what to tell you. I don't know what's going on and my mind is grinding like hell. Voicing out how I'm feeling is the last thing on my mind right now."

Okay.

"And I-You're a great guy, Jungkook, so don't get me wrong when I say this. Mark hurt me bad, so I was really fucking happy when I knew I could trust you, and I just knew you wouldn't harm me in any way. I knew you were a sincere person. I knew you wouldn't hurt me."

There's a catch to this, and I don't want to hear it.

"But I never realized that you could also be the reason why I get hurt."

Ouch.

"I just need time. I need time to know what to do, to know what to feel, to know what to tell you."

I take a moment to absorb it all and we both grow silent, sorting out thoughts and words that were to be said when we were finally calm again.

"I get it," I nod slowly. "It's fine. We're in a horrible position right now and I get why you feel this way."

Nothing's going right right now. But I'm trying to keep it all together. I may become the reason why she gets hurt. But I will always make sure that I won't be the one that hurts her. If she needs time, I'll give it to her. If she needs space, I'll give it to her. As long as Aera's safe and sound, I'll be fine.

I hold her right cheek in my palm as I kiss her other one. She smiles just the slightest.

I know the smile is fake, but still my heart reacts to it in a way that I have no control over. I feel myself fall deeper in love with her, but I know this will be the reason why she gets hurt.

/

He's home. And he wants to see me.

No he doesn't. He just wants the answers to his own questions. He doesn't miss his son.

I enter his office and close the door behind me. My chest tightens by default, as always.

He doesn't feel like my father. It feels as if he's the prison guard, and I'm the prisoner.

This isn't a metaphor.

I'm trapped in my home.

Even in a place where I am supposed to find homage, and closure, I feel myself crying for a way out. Aera is my only escape, my only reason to feel okay.

And that's why I've decided to protect her.

"So, what have you decided?"

Like I said, he never asked to see me. He asked to hear answers.

No greeting, no smile, nothing.

"I broke with her," I tell him. And this sentence goes in the pile along with all the other lies I've told my father this past few months—all lies to keep Aera safe and away from him.

"Is that so?" He looks pleased, and proud even. But I don't want it. I want him to go eat a dick.

"How did it happen?"

"I simply told her our relationship would risk too many things."

Breaking off our relationship would risk things far more important than what I'm lying about. I can't live without her, and I don't intend to.

"You're wise, son. You've always been stubborn but I knew I could trust you."

I nod, with a tight smile thinning my lips.
My fists are clenched, and it's taking all the peace—which i don't have much of—in me to not swing it at his face.

I've been trying to love him, and to forgive him, but he's not making it easy.

"You won't bother her anymore, right?"

He looks up at me with his eyes brows knit together, "I suppose this no longer has much to do with you, now that she's out of your life. It's none of your worries now, I believe."

Bullshit.

But still, I nod. I smile. Then I'm out of his office and heading back to my cell.