When It Comes To You |j.k

29: 不是你

I miss him.

I've been doing well, i'm busy and i have a new life to live. I don't struggle with money like before. I'm never going on an empty stomach. I have adults looking after me, and a friend who's here to keep me on track.

But every time i stop, sit down, or even simply am not talking, i think about him. He shows up in my mind like a virus and I can't get rid of him. My heart simply aches for him.

It's like I'm still in his driver's car, secretly gazing at him as he stared out the window, taking in every inch of him. His soft luscious hair, his jawline every time he turned to look, his collarbones that peeped out from his shirt every once and a while, his cherry lips as he licked them, the little mole under it that i adore, his doe eyes that seem to sparkle even when he's not smiling, his voice that always makes me giddy without fail.

I remember every little bit of him, and every bit of me hurts because of it.

But that's not what scares me the most.

It's the fact that I might never get over him, get over this hurt. No, not might. I know I won't. It scares me because I will spend the rest of eternity yearning for him, even though he's already long gone, too far for me to grasp. He's in my past, and there's no path on earth that can take me back.

Unable to fall asleep once again, I slip off the bed and make my way out the room. I didn't have anywhere to go, it just simply seemed like a place i needed to get out of. It's no use being in the bedroom if I wasn't going to sleep anyway.

A hand grasps my wrist and I turn around with a gasp.

Axl.

"Where are you going?"

"To shove my head in an oven, perhaps." I say melodramatically, with my eyes to the ground.

"No, why would you say that? What's wrong?"

"What's right right now?" I scoff with a sniff. I look away to avoid his gaze as I dry my tear-stained cheek with my fingers.

"It's just my boyfriend, it's nothing." I wave it off and make my way back into the bedroom, no longer feeling any more peace being out here. But he grasps onto my wrist and pulls me back in front of him.

"It's not nothing. Why are you crying over him?"

"Because I miss him, ever been in love before?"

"He's the one that brought you here, he made you throw away your life!"

He sounds angrier about my own fate than I am.

"It wasn't his fault. It was his father that did this."

"He was the reason though, am I not right?"

"Look," I don't know why he's acting like this. "This is my issue to get over with, just go to bed without me-"

"Get over him, he's no good for you."

I don't know why Axl hates Jungkook so much.

I try to open my mouth once again to defend my boyfriend, but he had me frozen when he pulled on my wrist and trapped my cheeks in his palms. He smashes his lips onto mine and for an instant my heart stops in shock.

So that's why.

"Axl," i mumble into the kiss, my hand pushing at his chest in attempt to bring a gap between us. It wasn't like the kisses I used to have with Jungkook. No tingling feeling. No red cheeks. No euphoria. Axl is a beautiful person. He's kind, thoughtful, genuine, and everything else. But he's not Jungkook.

My palms press against his chest, squirming and fighting for space.

He doesn't budge.

His kisses get more rough.

And I start to feel a lump in my throat. My chest tightens and I'm choking on a sob. I'm growing afraid of him, and I don't like the feeling. With one big push I shove him away from me, finally getting a breath.

This is bad.

this is really bad.

I run my hands through my hair when we hear heels clicking against the floor.

"Goddamn it." i mutter under my breath. It's never good when adults get involved. We could've resolved this on our own, if only we hadn't made so much noise.

"You two alright?" The security looks to me and I turn my head away from him, hiding my tear stained face. From the corner of my eye I see Axl with a distraught look on his face, and his ears are burning red.

"We're fine, sir." His voice cracks. I'd laugh at him, if i wasn't choking on my tears and struggling to breathe.

The security guard eventually walks off, though still turns his head back at us suspiciously every few seconds.

It's not long before he's out of sight.

Axl speaks up immediately after our voices are out of range, "I'm so sorry." Three simple words came out of him in stutters like a tongue twister.

"I shouldn't have done that," he licks his lips and breathes through his mouth, eyes casted to the floor in shame.

"Thank you for apologizing." I pinch the bridge of my nose with a sigh.

Great.

Things are going fucking great.

"I've developed feelings for you, I know it sounds early for such things, but I can't help what I feel. Your boyfriend-"

I raise my palm and stop him, "Please," I shake my head, "Let's just forget about this. I'm tired."

He seems disappointed.

"I-" He purses his lips, "Okay."

"I'm gonna go to bed." I turn my back on him and huff out the last words whilst wiping my lips clean. I head back into the bedroom, finally surrendering to sleep.

It's only minutes after, that Axl quietly comes into the room. And for that I'm thankful.