When It Comes To You |j.k

84: 三個禮拜

Aera ended up falling asleep in my chest after crying. I found out she wasn't awake anymore when her sobs slowly simmered down into quiet whimpers. She was like a child in my arms. The little noises she makes in her sleep reminds me of a baby. I don't mind. Maybe even in her dreams she's still crying, that's why she can't sleep silently.

Her period's never given her such dramatic mood swings before. I didn't really know what to do. She kept telling me she was sorry, but I still don't know what for. Maybe it was for her sister, not me.

Aera didn't have lunch, I have to wake her up for dinner soon. I tilt my head down to look at her. But she's sleeping so peacefully. She looks so comfortable on my chest. I don't want to wake her.

She says she feels old sometimes, like she's already drained of the life within her. It's because of how mean life's treated her. Aera's only in her early twenties but she's already tired. I get that. The sort of torment she's been forced to endure is incomparable. There are moments when I'm not sure if I'm the right person for her because of this. What if I'm not enough to make it better? What if she needs someone stronger, someone that can offer more than just a shoulder to cry on?

Aera stirs just the slightest and I noticed her eyes slowly opening.

"Hey,"

She lifts her head up to meet my eyes, "Sorry," she sits up immediately to get off of me, "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

Since when was that anything to apologize for?

"You know I don't mind. How are you feeling?"

Aera didn't look at me again as she left the bed and drifted towards the bathroom, "Better. I have to change my pad, I'll be right back."

——Aera's

I sit myself on the toilet seat and hold my phone tightly, nibbling on my lips as I tap away in the chat.

-
I'm pregnant.

I announced it just like that, no disclaimers, no bullshit. Short and sweet. I wish it could be that easy with Jungkook.

Eunae
holy.

Eunae
Congratulations!

Eunae
Or sorry?

I feel like crying again.

-
Jungkook doesn't want a baby.

Eunae
shit.

Eunae
Do you?

-
No.

-
i want to get an abortion.

Eunae
I'll support you no matter what you do, okay?

Eunae
But give yourself some time to make sure what you want

Eunae
Whatever it is, if you need me just give me a call

Eunae
I'll be there

Eunae
does anyone else know?

-
just you

Eunae
what about Jungkook?

-
No

Eunae
No???

Eunae
When are you going to tell him?

"Aera, are you okay in there?" His voice is so sweet and gentle.

How could I do this to him?

-
I don't know.

If I get an abortion he won't have to know. He doesn't want a child and he doesn't need the burden of one. I'll take care of it alone.

Eunae
but you will tell him

Eunae
right?

-
i need time

-
please don't mention it to him

Eunae
I won't

Eunae
I'm sorry I can't be there with you right now

-
no it's not your fault

-
we practically brought it upon ourselves by being isolated here in Bhutan

-
we just have sex all the time

-
we had sex on the plane we took over here

Eunae
jesus

Eunae
you guys are some wild newly weds

-
i honestly think that it was from the time on the plane

Eunae
Jungkook pull out game weak no offence

That made me laugh a bit. She's not wrong.

"Aera?" His voice sounded closer now. I jolt when I hear knocks on the bathroom door.

"I'm almost done," I stutter as I scurry to get the pad, tearing the packaging and burying one under the piles of tissues in the trash bin. What a waste.

I shove my phone down my pocket and swiftly open the bathroom door. I'm immediately greeted by Jungkook's concerned expression.

"Why'd it take you so long?"

I scratch the back of my head, "I had to clean up. It was messy...down there."

Jungkook looked much more relieved with his mouth turning into an 'o' shape. I smile and lean in to peck his cheek. I make my way back to the bed and sit at the edge.

I wonder if it'll be a boy or a girl.

"What should we do for the rest of the day?" I asked while he made his way over, closing the bathroom door behind him. He can't stand it when doors are opened halfway.

Maybe I shouldn't wonder about things like that. It's not mine to keep.

"Are you still feeling unwell?"

I shook my head. The nausea had already long gone. But there's a new feeling at the pit of my stomach. One I cannot share with him.

"No," I smiled.

His face lit up, "Well if we go soon enough I could take you to meet the grandma that made that," He pointed at the new wooden ring sitting right above my engagement ring. It's absolutely gorgeous, but why can't I feel happy about it?

"And then we can go out for dinner?" He suggested with a wide grin. I see the excitement on his face and it just makes me even sadder. Maybe it's the guilt, I feel like I can't say no to him anymore. But I know nothing I do will never fill the hole of my lies.

"Let's do it," I pushed myself right up from the bed. I take the clothes from the closet and slip them on, as if I hadn't already worn them earlier today.