The fear in me

Nay

With incredible speed the monster is at our side and grabs at Jason's face. "Turn around and open your mouth!" he commands and I see in full alarm that Jason is obeying him.

He drops my hand and turns himself without a word to Rafael. "No!" I scream and clutch Jason from behind. I pinch his hand, his arm and try to snatch him out of his trance, but nothing happens.

I kiss the back of his head and speak to him with the tongues of angels, but I have no success. When finally Rafael makes an inhaling sound, I can only pray to Heaven and grab under Jason's pullover. There I claw into his skin and my hands go around his ribcage. I feel his regular heart beat. I'm enormously afraid because I know I have no chance against that unnatural way of dying. I saw that with Gabriel. I couldn't do anything ... and I feel helpless.

But at the same time, I'm enraged. But not for long; my rage turns again into helplessness and finally into resignation. If Jason has to die then he should take me with him straight away, I think.

If I press myself very closely to him until we are united we'll both perish together. That's my wish.

Jason's heartbeat changes. Boom, boom, boom, boom, it knocks loud and far too fast against my hand. Is he afraid?

"I'm with you!" I whisper in despair. "Nobody can separate us. It'll turn out all right!" I go on.

I concentrate again on Jason's heart. I concentrate so much till I have the feeling that our two hearts are beating to the same rhythm. Now we are one! Nobody can separate us. Never again, because we are one!

Only when Jason's body collapses do I notice that that is not at all right. We are not one! No! There's only one heart that is beating, and it's not Jason's. Jason's heart is still. Totally still!

I've failed again. In shock, I release Jason's lifeless body, and it crumples onto the floor.

"No, no, no!" I murmur sobbing and close my eyes. If I can't see him it's not true. He can't be dead. No! It's all just a dream. I'll soon be woken up and I'll be laughing. Both of us will be laughing about it ...

"Nay!" I hear a voice whisper and I lift my head. Lukas is standing near me and he looks wrathful and sad. His eyes are almost black when at last he orders: "Pull Jason to the side!"

"But ..." I start, but Lukas interrupts me.

"Do it," he yells with a feeling of rage, as the master of his feelings. "Rafael fainted when transferring ... I have only this one chance to bury the hryll in him! And as quickly as possible."

He shows me the triangular funnel and I understand. Rafael must die before he has other angels on his conscience. Sam and Jason's father are still rooted to the spot and staring motionless. They look as though they're frozen stiff. But their eyeballs are moving. I remember Rafael's words, that both of them will be aware of everything, and that their rigidity will be loosened only when he wants it or when he is dead. So he has to die!

Nothing will ever again be the same as it was. But I can at least save Jason's family even if I failed with him. With a strength, I'd never known I drag Jason's lifeless body sideways so Lukas can get rid of the monster once and for all.

Scarcely have I moved out of the way than Lukas bends down as swiftly as the wind over Rafael's body and runs, without hesitation, first one and then another hryll deep into his chest. Shortly after that comes an ear-splitting yell and Rafael's body rises up from the floor and his eyes open.

From both wounds issues first a glaring light and then a bright flickering like that from a sparkler. While the sparks are flying from both of his wounds Rafael keeps yelling. Lukas leaps aside, shocked but visibly satisfied. With satisfaction in his eyes he watches the last screams of his "father".