The fear in me

Jason

The car drives further and further away from Nay and my heart is breaking because now I'll never see her again. I know I can be sure that Sharon will be okay again. Nay will have brought her back by now. One worry less ...

Landscapes, cities and villages file past, and Dr. Death does not say one word to me, just sits grinning and whistling behind the steering wheel of his Mercedes. If I was a car fan I'd probably be glad to have the right to travel in such an expensive car, but that all leaves me cold. Again and again his icy eyes are watching me in the rear vision mirror. I'm not afraid of him but only for the people I love. That's the only reason I came with him. I give an inner sigh, the thousand-and-first time.

Twice he's stopped, once for a pee break, and then to buy something to eat. Instead of chatting casually he seems to be waiting for something. I have no idea what that is, so I ignore his expectant glances.

We've been travelling for hours, and the sun is already setting. I can still hardly believe how lucky Nay was that I did not kill her by mistake. How often I breathed her in! I remember our tender moments and feel an instant yearning. I've no idea why I'm torturing myself with all of that. It's over! There is no going back now ...

My eyes look for the n-th time into the mirror at the cold, expectant eyeballs of my "maker". Yes, that's what he is: he made me what I am now. And my father did nothing to stop him; instead, he abandoned me ...

I swallow twice and concentrate on another thought. Dr. Death seems to think that I'll be highly pleased with the powers that I'll allegedly receive. My alleged powers that he wants to wake up are absolutely indifferent to me. If they are just as deadly as my "gift", then I want nothing to do with them. I'm interested in only one thing: If I kill myself what will then happen to the world around me? As soon as I know I can kill myself with a good conscience I'll do it. Nobody is to suffer from my "gift". Nobody! And since I'll never have a chance with Nay, nothing matters to me anyway.

"Well, boy, what's going on in your head? Are you already amazed at the things you will able to do? "Dr. Death's deep voice finally pulls me out of my thoughts and so breaks the silence that has lasted hours.

I shrug and say: "I'm just wondering whether I'm invincible." Those words make Dr. Death laugh, even if the laughter doesn't reach his cold eyes.

"If you keep your distance from the adult healing angels and their hryll, nothing should happen to you," he says, visibly amused by my first question for hours. "I could of course suck you out, then you'd be dead, but why should I do that? You are definitely not easy to kill. And I need you."

"So that means my father could kill me? After all, he's a healing angel."

"Yes, why, do you think, I was so surprised that he spared you? After all, later you exterminated your whole family ..." His words sound hard and not at all sympathetic. And why should he feel sympathy for my family? But why didn't my father stop me when he clearly had the power to do so? I can't understand that. Or has Dr. Death left out something? Is it possible that my father is no longer alive?

"Are you sure my father is still living?" I ask, uncertain whether I really want to know the answer.

Dr. Death shakes his head and then says: "Listen, boy, why should he not still be alive? He's hard to overcome. They all support each other, those healing angels ..." he adds, bitterly.

I don't know whether I'm supposed to feel relieved, but I do know that I'm disappointed in any case. "So where is he?"

My maker shrugs: "I've just been concentrated on finding you ..." Suddenly his eyes light up and he adds: "Of course, if you want to take revenge, I certainly could find him for you. It would certainly be satisfactory for me to see you conquer him. But till then we have to do some work on our powers ..." He winks at me and then concentrates once more on the road.