Generator

Done, Done

Virginia, 2003

We agreed to settle in August. Early August like 3rd something. We go talk through phone to each other every day just to discuss our wedding plan. With all my happiness, I feel very bad for Taylor. As we know, he push back his proposal after the miscarriage. It was a disaster for them and I know how much it changed their relationship after that. So, to actually feel happy about mine, kinda makes me feel guilty.

"What happened son? You looked sad. I thought you two have a plan?" My mom comes with breakfast and else, then takes a seat beside me. "Who? Me and Jordyn? Yes...I mean we have. It's just I got something in mind. Not about me or Jordyn. It's about Taylor and Aubrey. Maybe you already heard about the incident....."
"Yes. I did. That's really sad. How are they?"
"Well, he called me last night, telling me she won't stop crying and refused to going anywhere. He thought that she might be depressed."
"That's horrible..."
"I know. That's why....I kinda guilty to even have a wedding plan."
"I'm sure they'll be fine with your plan. She wanted you to marry Jordyn, remember?"
"Yes mom. But...."
"But what? Are you having second thoughts about your wedding?"
"I don't know, mom. Maybe....kinda. But I shouldn't play with those. I won't dump her like the last time. She's a good woman." My mom smiles and gives me a hug.

When I'm just about eat those meals from my mom, I got another call. "Yeah, what's up Taylor?"
"Not really good. Now she won't talk to me at all. Like not even a single word. What should I do?"
"Have you try like.... resolve the issues? Like not trying to get over everything but talk directly about it wide open."
"Haven't try it. Since she won't come out of room. And your wedding will be next month. I don't know if I can come."
"If you let me invite her by myself, I will talk to her about the issue for you. How about it?"
"You don't have to do...."
"I'll do it."

L.A, 2003

I promised Taylor yesterday that I will talk to Aubrey. "Where's she?" I ask him the moment he open the door for me. His face tells frustration, also exhausted and I can't feel sorry more. "She's upstairs. I'll show you."

We go up, and then he point at the room. He holds the handle and tries to open it. "See? She locked it." And then he knocks at the door. "Aubrey? Can we talk?"
"No." She says from inside the room. I pat his shoulder, "Let me try."
"Okay."

It's my turn to knock at the door. "Hey Aubrey, it's Dave...." She quickly cut my words. "If you're here to assure me about what your friend did. I'm not listening." I see Taylor like giving up with that sigh and else. "Trust me. I'll try my best." I knock again. "Well, actually... I came to invite you to my wedding and it's not gonna happen if you and Taylor don't come. So if you intend to make me postpone it, that's......" Suddenly we hear the door is being unlocked. "Come in. But just talk about the wedding." I nod to her and then she let me in.

"So let me start with... How are you?" She rolls her eyes and still with cold expression sit in front of me. "Did you expect me to say I'm fine?"
"No, not at all. I'm just wondering. Because I don't know how to start."
"Well, just say what you need to say."
"Alright... I'm gonna marry Jordyn next month. At 3rd. And we wish to see our friends at that moment." She looks down. I swear I know when someone has a depression just by looking at their eyes. And when she looks to me, it's there. She got it. But she's smiling. "Congratulations. Finally it happens." And not only that, for the first time in my life, I see her jealousy when she congratulated me. It gave me chills. "Aubrey... If you told me to cancel all these things and..."
"What? For what? You guys will have a happiest time of your life. Why cancel it?"
"Why did you lie?"
"No I'm not. I'm happy for you." I can't fight that. There's no way she's gonna tell the opposite. "So you'll come? With Taylor?" It freezes her for minutes but then she looks away. "About it... I'll think about it."
"Hey, he just did that to save you and...."
"Stop. Right there. I told him not to. He shouldn't do that and he knew it. Also, I let you in to talk about the wedding, so if you have nothing to say, I guess you can leave." In the end, I hope she will get along with Taylor again. They're like special persons to me after all and I hope happiness for both of them. Even though I know deep inside I still hope she will told me to cancel all. Because if she does, I'll do that. But since she doesn't, I really want her to marry Taylor someday. I trust him.

I go out from their home and walk to my van, reaching for my key when I see her on the reflection of my window. She's looking down at me from her balcony. She got a sad face and I know I will never able to forget that face. It screwed my mind, because it makes me doubt my decision to get married. It's fucked up. This is the last time, if I turn my face to her and she says anything about cancelling my wedding, I'll go for it.

So I do, like I confront her without any words, just standing there staring at her. Looking for answer. And what she did.....she smiles to me. With tears. "I'll go to your wedding." That's all. I'm done. There's no way back. "I'll see you two then." I wave to her and then jump on my driver seat. I feel destroyed. It feels wrong and I know I shouldn't feel this way. I don't want to see Jordyn in a different way, especially because we'll getting married. If there's anything I should do now, is killing all of those memories. The cabin, our night together, all of them.

L.A, 2009

I woke up with the same weird dream again. About her. It all started from the night after that show. Right after I dropped her off in front of her hotel building. I start to having such dreams for months. "What happened? You had a nightmare?" Jordyn seems like affected by my heavy breath. "Yes. I did. Sorry to wake you up." I kiss her forehead and then get up. "I'm gonna have a smoke. Just go back to sleep okay?"
"Okay. Good night Dave."
"Yeah. Good night."

I go outside, sit on my chair and light a cigar. I tied my hair and blow some smoke. "What the hell is wrong with me?"