Generator

Come Alive

Ireland, 2003

I'm about to rest my head when suddenly my phone's ringing. It's Taylor. "Oh, hey Tay! What's up?"
"Dave can you come to my room?"
"Wait, what happened?" He sounds distressed and I know there's something wrong. "I was about to talk to her but soon as I got here, I can't open the door. I called her, saying I need to talk to her. But she sounded like she's drunk, and crying. I don't know what to do. The only way she wants to talk is with you." I'm confused, she seems happy lately, why all of sudden... "Please Dave... I saw it, the gun."
"Okay, Taylor. Stay calm. I'll be there soon. Just...keep talking to her, make sure she's not doing anything." I can't believe that I have to deal with this kind of situation again. It's not gonna happen again, I won't let it slip this time.

I go to their room as soon as possible and I see Taylor outside his room. "She's in there?"
"Yeah. She is. I peak on the door gap and she's just lying there with a gun. Staring  at nothing. Please help me Dave."
"I promise you, she's not gonna hurt herself. Okay?"
"Okay." Then he knocks at the door carefully, talk to her on it. "Aubrey... honey.. Dave is here. Open the door, please?" Then she open it just by 10 centimeters wide. Just enough for her to look outside and see me. "I don't want you to hear what I'm gonna say, please go somewhere." She holds tears and keep on looking down. Taylor nods and go away before she let me in.

"Okay, what's going on?"
"I thought I can handle it, but I can't."
"What are you talking about?"
"The incident. I told myself that I can moving on, forgive him, live my life... But I really can't. Yesterday.... I.. all of sudden I got a breakdown and I can't help it." She tries so hard to be strong, because I see her gripping both hands on her knee so she tries so hard not to burst her tears. "Why me?"
"I don't know. You popped up in my mind randomly."
"Okay...you can talk to me. But put the gun down first, please?" I know how hard she holds that gun and I'll never know if she will be impulsive with that gun still on her hand. "You're scared of me?"
"No, I'm not. I'm scared you're gonna hurt yourself and I can't stop you." She giggles sarcastically. "Damn, I should've stay with you. You'll listen to my wish and save the baby. I should've listened to my own feelings."
"Aubrey..."
"No, you're right. I got my karma. I hurt you, so... I got hurt too. And... Dave..."
"Yes?"
"Thanks... For listening. Now, can you go outside?"
"What? No, no way. I can't do that. Not until I'm sure you'll not gonna do anything."
"You want me to put it down? Can I be with you for an exchange?"
"What?? What did you just say?"
"Nevermind. That's stupid." She smirks and take a deep breath. "I shouldn't say that. Sorry. You can leave."
"You drive me insane Aubrey. You know what? I'm....so angry. If only.... If only you ask me about that earlier.. I'll do that. I'll absolutely do that. But instead, you told me to get Jordyn and fucking marry her!"
"I know. That's..my fault. I told you, I got what I deserve."
"No, you're not. No one deserves this, but why it's so late Aubrey? I'm married now. This...is frustrating."
"Yes, you are. That's why it's stupid. I shouldn't involved you. Please don't mind me and just leave."
"Aubrey....." I walk closer but then she lift the gun up. "Don't... Please don't come to me. I have no reason to holding on again, right? I lost my baby, you, and this fucking heart isn't helping either. I'm tired."
"Fine! You want me to leave Jordyn? I'll do it."
"No you can't. She loves you. You do too."
"Damn it Aubrey! Put it down." I can't wait any longer, I don't care if she pull the trigger on me. All I can do is put my hand on the gun and pull her closer to me. Hold her with my arms so tight. "I'll do anything..."
"Anything?"
"Yes." She pulls away and then smiles. "All I ask is... For you and Taylor to moving on without me. None of you allowed to find me. I hope not seeing both of you again. Can you do that?"
"What?"
"If you promise me that, I'll put the gun down."
"Aubrey..."
"It's better for all of us. Can you do that?" I can't imagine myself not seeing her again, but I know exactly that she meant it. "I...I promise."
"I want you to make sure Taylor will do the same too."
"You have my words."
"Okay." She get my hand and gives me the gun. "Thanks, Dave." She backs up and then walk passed me. It hurts, a lot. "What about you?"
"I don't know. I'll figure it out." Then I hear a door closed behind me. I can't handle my feet and throw myself on couch. That's the best we can do, but also the worst promise that I ever committed.

Mt. Si, 2009

After she looks better, we have a tea together. Her face is in fact, kinda pale and I know exactly why. "It's getting worse, isn't it? Your condition."
"Maybe... I passed out like twice a day now. But that's okay. I'm glad I came this far. I could've gone that day, you know."
"Yeah, I'm glad for that too. You made this far."
"And actually did something for some kids' life. I'm grateful."
"I know... It's worth the wait.. I learned that feeling too when I got my first daughter. She changed my way to see my life. Anyway, we didn't see you for almost 5 years, never thought we will see you anymore but... Turned out we don't really have that kind of patience. I'm sorry."
"No, that's okay. I know how impulsive I was that night. I'm far more better now."

We caught in silence before she starts talking again. "I know you must be disappointed that I didn't use your money for treatment."
"To be honest? Yeah, kinda. I still think that it will help you."
"I know.. but for how long Dave? I don't wanna stay on my bed, hospitalized. It's just gonna extend me, not fully healed. Those money will be gone for nothing."
"That's right too... But still... It's like... We can be dreaming right? Maybe..just maybe..." I give her a smile, which she gives hers too.

"I think it's time for you to go home, Dave. Isn't it?"