Generator

I Will Be

Virginia, 2002

I'm watching as they're coming out the room and the nurse has a paper on her hand. Aubrey walk to me and sit down. I can't wait to hear those happy news. She handed the paper to dr. Henry. He read them carefully. He wasn't that impressed. Maybe it wasn't what we were expecting. I let out a sigh, knowing that it might not happen. "Well, as I predicted before. You're pregnant." He looks to us and I got my smile back. "But, are you sure you wanna keep this that way?"
"What do you mean?" I ask him, and then turn to Aubrey. "She got issues, mainly Aortic Insufficiency. It can be dangerous for her because it seems like she never get a treatment before." He looks again to the paper. "How long you got that condition?" He ask. "Umm... Many years ago." She says, almost unheard. "Many years? Are you crazy? You never went for a treatment?" Now I know why she won't go see a doctor, she doesn't want me or anyone else find out about this. "Please don't tell anyone." She looks to me and I take a deep breath. "Fine. But how about your pregnancy?"
"I'll keep that..." The doctor cut her. "You have to choose one. You can't take medication when you have baby."
"What? No way. I choose the baby."
"Aubrey...."
"What? You wanna tell me to do abortion? No way. You can go fuck yourself." She burst out from the room. I pay everything and then catch her outside.

"What is that? Did you hear how much danger you're going through?"
"I fucking heard that. Are you happy? But no! If they said I'm pregnant, I will do what I wanna do. I don't care what you think about it."
"Okay. Okay. We...we will find a way. Let's, just go home." I open the door for her and let her in before I go to driver seat.

On our way back, I look at her a couple times. She's still pissed. "I'm sorry, okay. I shouldn't told you to do that." She just nods. It's not like I don't want to be a father. It's just I'm worry about her own condition. "Can I ask you something?" I stop my car on a side road. "You talked years ago, what I saw at the cabin the first time..."
She sighs and then start talking. "I think...that night. When you saw blood from my nose, I thought I can just wiped that out. But to be honest, I was scared. I just won't anyone know about it. I want people to see me as ordinary being. But maybe I'm just simply not." I recall the night and can imagine the picture when she was nosebleeding. And also the day she slept on Pat's departure day. It's all clear now. "Taylor. He doesn't know either?" I don't know what the fuck am I thinking but his name just slipped out from my mouth. "Umm. No, he doesn't. Better it that way."

I start the engine again and drive away. I try to turn my focus on the road but I can't lie my mind is full of things right now. About her condition, the baby, and wether I should tell Taylor or not. I can't process them at the same time.

We enter the hallway and I park my car, open the door for her and get back to my car again. "Where do you wanna go?" She ask me. "I need to buy something." I lied. I mean, I need to see if my box is still inside my dashboard. My love letter, the book, and the album.

I drive to a store where I buy a pack of cigarettes and go back to the parking lot, looking at the box. Thinking to myself, I'm ready to say it all. Maybe next week. After some show with Josh, but before Coachella. I already decided, I will disbanded the Foo Fighters to live with her. For good. I don't care about anything else again. I know how much she's disagree, but I will find another things to do so I still can play music.

Mt. Si, 2008

For once again, I take the box with me. This time Taylor have time to read what I wrote on the letter. My hands on the wheel so he's pretty much has the access. "I knew you were hitting on her but I didn't know about this letter. Literally, Stranger Things Have Happened was based on this letter?" He reads each words written and I nods. "Yup. Exactly from that letter. I wrote it when...when she declined my proposal."
"Any other song you wrote about her?"
"No. Just that one." I can't mention Generator because I don't want anyone to know what's that about.

"This is the book? Foo Fighter?" He pulls out the book and flip it over. "Yes. That one. That's her book. I borrowed it and not returning it for years."

Virginia, 2002

She can't see this. I turns off the lights before she came back from another check up. I can't screw this. This one particular night. She must be thinking that I'm still out there with Josh, but I took early ride so I can surprise her.

"Geez. I can't see anything." I reach my pocket, make sure my mom's ring is there. I'm hiding inside her room, with flowers around the room. I listen carefully as someone open the front door. But seems like she is talking on phone with someone. "I can't stay here, Clairine. I know.... he's a good guy. But I can't get over the fact that I can't live with him anymore. He told me he wants to help me raising the kid, that he doesn't care who's kid is this. But you know, raising a stranger kid is one thing. But raising his best friend's kid? I don't know.... I feel like I need to go back, living alone." I hear everything, it breaks my heart. Why she's thinking that way? I already told her I don't care about wether I'm the father or not. I will be the only dad.

"I need to pack my stuff. Yes, I'll tell him goodbye. Thanks, Clairine." She open the door and turns the lights on. She's surprised to see me. "Dave! What are you...." Then she looks around. On those flowers and everything. "You're planning to leave me?" I look down on her and wait for whatever response I will get. "Dave.... You know, I can't let you raise....."
"I said I don't care. Do you know what hurts me? I'm about to propose you tonight. I thought you will love the surprise..." I try to hold up my tears. I still have a hope that she will listen to me. "I need to ask you one last question. If I ask you to marry me, what's your response?" At a moment she looked confused. It's hard for her to decide. "I....I can't do that.... It's not because...."
"I don't need the reason. You're free to go." I leave the room and go to my room instead. I throw myself on my bed, thinking about everything. She rejected me.

Some minutes passed, I can hear she closes her door and also the sound of her dragging a bag. Then she knocks at my door. "Dave. I know you're hearing." I don't even want to answer, or say anything. "I'm sorry I hurt you. It's just... I hope things are different. But.... I really hope you can live your life without me. Maybe with Jordyn. She's a good woman. Take care." Right after that, I hear the front door being closed and I take a peek on my window. Seeing her walking away and get inside a cab. Then I watch the cab driving away. It hurts me really bad. I didn't expect this to be that hard. I throw the box to my trash can before I go back to my room.