Generator

The Fighters

Virginia, 1994

It's already months after April, months after doing nothing but stay at home. Sometimes visiting my mom just to speak my mind to her. She knows Kurt and her mom as much as she knows her son. So I found her as a right person to heal my mental condition. Jen isn't always really listening to me. I don't know but sometimes she just takes control of me a little bit too much. I mean, I love her but just give me a room to breath.

"Mom, you remember the last time I spoke to you after Kurt's death? The day I told you that I might abandoned all of these? My music career and else?"
"Sure I do. It was a tough day, rough time for you. Why?"
"Last month, I... went to Mount Si, alone." I'm holding my smile and mom knows that. "Come on, tell me. What's that?"
"You..you know I always insecure about my singing voice. But, when I was there, I met this woman. Who asked me to sing."
"Okay, this is interesting. But tell me, do you guys have something or what? I mean, as long as I know, you're with Jen. How did you meet this woman?" I'm fully understand my mom's concern. She will be mad if I'm cheating from Jen. But I don't. "No, mom. It was started with how stupid I was, because I fucked up my leg, and ankle. I couldn't walk. And I didn't know I entered a private property. I thought it was the part of the park. I was wrong. And then she helped me. I also stay a night. That's all." The suspicion is gone from her face as I was saying it. "Okay. Tell me about the time she asked you to sing."
"Haha. So... At night, it's kinda quiet and not much to do at that house. She's like someone who barely meet people. She asked me to play a song. Anything. I refused at first, I wasn't sure about my singing ability. And then she mentioned Marigold, Nirvana's song with my voice in it. But as you know, I kinda.... didn't feel want to sing that. So I sand one of a song that I wrote when I first met Kurt and Krist."
"She liked that?"
"She didn't say compliments. But she smiles. I think the song touched her in a way."
"That's nice. And then?"
"I don't know mom. Maybe I changed my mind. I feel like I don't wanna stop playing music. Because, she reminded me about people who connected through our music. It's a beautiful feeling." My mom is the first person who supported my musical career and I know just by hearing this, is probably the best thing that she heard all day. I swear she's smiling and probably melting at the same time. "You know what Dave? I really, really glad to hear that. I'm so happy that you, finally get your senses back. You have no idea how much I wanna hug you right now."
"Ah, come on mom. You can just hug me everytime and I wouldn't even complain." I open my arms and welcoming her. "Oh god, you're a big boy now."
"Come on mom. I was a big boy then, and a bigger boy now."
"I get it." She laughs and I can't deny it, I'm the happiest man in the world right now. My dark days are gone by now.

Seattle, 1994

"So, what do you want to eat?" Jen and I are already spent 15 minutes on where do we want to eat. She's really picky today and I personally think that she might be tired and don't wanna eat. But she insists that she wants to eat with me. I can't even decide anything because you know, I probably eat anything but she's a different story. "I don't know Dave. How about some rice bowls?" She looks at the ceiling like trying to find something up there. "You sure don't want me to cook?"
"No Dave. I really wanna go out tonight. Just two of us."
"Oh, okay." I smirks, maybe she just want some romantic time or something. I don't really good at it but I can try. "Maybe a fine dinning on Rosmarry's?" I finally found a good place out of an old catalogue. It was a place where I first met her after Nirvana's show. "Sounds good dave. It's been awhile since the last time I went there." That's the first smile I see from her today. God, I swear she's really beautiful with that smile. One thing that never changed, I can't not falling in love with her smile. It's mesmerizing. "Right. I'll drive."
"No Dave, I know about your leg. I'll drive."
"Okay. If you say so."

I still remember the smell of the wine, the...you know, expensive smoke but the most favorite of mine is the coffee. They got a really good one. I can take more than five in one evening. "Jen, this might be sounded ridiculous or something... Would you...dance with me tonight?"
"What?"
"You know. Just, slow dance kinda thing. They played some good songs tonight." It's really, really feels like you ask a girl for date for the first time. I can't control my expressions and I'm so nervous. "Would you?"
"Dave, I honestly don't know what happened with you tonight, but.... I'd love to. Thought you'll never ask." She give her hand so I take it fast and bring her to the dance floor.

Well if you ask me, I'm a bad dancer you know. It's like not my nature to move this way. But, if it's for her, I'm okay with that. "I don't know you can be really....umm.... charismatic."
"Really? Why can't I?"
"I don't know. You've always been a funny-goofy man. I mean...I know you're lovely but...this is another thing. It's new for me. What happened?"
"Nothing... I'm just in a great mood today." I swear to myself that everything is getting better for me and Jen after that night. All I need to do is maintain stuff and get it work for us.