Generator

Best of You

L.A, 2007

We're just sitting there, waiting for Violet to wake up, because it's her birthday and we have some stuff for her. Both me and Jordyn are looking at our baby, peaceful face with a chubby cheeks. "She's beautiful like you, just hope she will not having my nose, you know.."
"Hahaha, stop it Dave! There's nothing wrong with that." Then we see Violet open her eyes with annoyed face. "See? Look at that, I knew she doesn't want my nose too."
"She's just thirsty, or hungry Dave." Jordyn giggles and lift her up. "Come here birthday girl." We kiss her cheeks and say our birthday wishes. "I'll take her to take a bath, you can prepare our bag." Jordyn leave the room and bring Violet with her. We have a plan to go outside today, like maybe have a gathering with our friends and introducing our daughter to them. That's gonna be fun. Also, I can talk with my band about our new record, we've already record songs since last month and we need some evaluation before start to record anything again.

"You're ready?" I see both Jordyn and Violet coming out, both looked pretty. "We are ready. Right Violet?" I walk to her and kiss both of them. "My pretty daughter!"

I still remember the day we talked about having kids and I don't believe that I'll actually enjoy myself being a dad right now. It feels amazing and I'm thankful for that. For Jordyn and Violet to be presence in my life. "Dave? What are you doing? Let's go." Suddenly Jordyn calls me and I almost forget that we need to go.

It is a nice park with flowers and much balloons. Some of our friends bring their kids along and there my guys having fun blowing some of it and that's funny. "We actually have a pump right there... But thanks for blowing those balloon." I go hug each of them. "Where's Alison and Oliver?" I ask Taylor soon as I let go our hug. "Oh, they're craving for... You know, diapers."
"Oh, haha. Right. What do you think about the party?"
"Pretty big for a toddler. Actually."
"Yeah, me and Jordyn might be a little bit total. You know."
"Yeah." I see Taylor is kinda holding back something. "Hey man, are you okay?"
"I'm fine.. it's just... On our way here, I think I saw Aubrey."
"What? Here in L.A?"
"I know.. I was inside a gas station and I got an idea to also buy a cup of coffee in a shop across the street. And she was there."
"Hey.. it might be nothing.. maybe it's a look-alike. But if it was her, you still have to move on. You have a family. Because... I know exactly what you feel. You know that."
"Yeah. I...I almost forget the thing between you two. Sorry."
"Doesn't matter. Now let's just join us and have fun, okay?"

L.A, 2009

"Hey, Aubrey. Remember about meeting our kids?" I finally have a chance to call her again to fulfill the promise, I know how excited she was to see all the kids. And since I promised her kinda long time ago, I think this will be a perfect time. "Really? When?"
"Thursday? We will have a gathering also some kind of business with Butch."
"New album huh?"
"We planned to..." For some reason, I hear a sad tone from her voice. "Is everything okay?" I ask her carefully. I mean I hope nothing bad happened since the day I found her unconscious. It makes me extremely aware. "No.. everything's okay."
"Wait, are you home right now?" I swear I heard busy sound in the background and I'm pretty sure she's out there, not home in the cabin. "Umm.. I..."
"Where the hell are you?"
"I'm just going out and umm.." I hear her taking a really big sigh. "..I feel low.. and umm.."
"Hey Aubrey! Tell me where you are, I'll pick you up."
"No, you can't just..."
"I'll pick you up or I'll tell Taylor about this. Or everyone for that matter."
"Dave, please. Don't..."
"Now tell me." She's really stubborn. I get that. But with her history? I can't take a risk she's out alone while she's feeling low.

"La Cita.." I can't believe she's in a bar by herself. She's fucking sick and else! "What? You're in L.A? Inside a fucking bar??? Don't go anywhere!" I grab my key and step out from my living room carefully when suddenly Jordyn show up from bedroom. "Where do you wanna go?" She looks sleepy, rubbing on her eyes. I feel really bad to pull out a lie. "Umm... Taylor is calling me. He needs to talk with me."
"This late?"
"Uh uh. No need to wait for me. I got my keys. Sleep well okay?" I go to her and kiss her forehead. I'm such a jerk for lying. Damn it.

I can't think my mind properly and I can't stop thinking about the picture of Aubrey in a trouble. I pull myself out and go inside the bar. There's lot of people I can barely see. And then I spot her sitting there with glasses on the table. I never seen her drinking lot of alcohol before. This isn't a scenery that I expected for. "Aubrey." I poke her shoulder and she looks back with red eyes and I swear her face says depression a lot.

"What are you doing here? In L.A?"
"Running away.. I guess. Anyway, you shouldn't be here. You can't be seen with me like this."
"Get up. You shouldn't be here either." She refused to leave at first, but soon as I grab her arms, she doesn't fight it anymore.

"Get in." I open the door and let her sit on the passenger side and then I take the driver seat. We're sitting still and frozen. Fear is in her eyes. I don't know what's going on. "Aubrey. Would you tell me what's wrong?" She just looks down, cheeks covered in tears.

"You have any idea how many times my dad cry for me?"
"What?"
"Many times... You have any idea how many times I scared for my death? None. I never scared. I accept it. But It's hard to see people around me crying for my life. Like Clairine."

She looks away now, she won't looking at me. "It's a good thing that my dad was gone before me. So at least he can stop crying about me. He doesn't have to see me dying and live his life miserably...."
"Aubrey..."
"Today.. Clairine found me on the floor again. Like you did. But I'm sure you're strong enough.. because she was crying her heart out. I never think I will actually see someone crying over my life again after my dad.... She was the person who found my dad when he passed away and she was scared about finding my dead body also. And now I'm truly scared of dying. Not because of the death itself, but because I don't wanna be anyone's reason to grieve."

"I don't know what to do. I'm in pain, for sure. I'm getting worse each day, but it's just mean that I make her sad each day also." Not only it hurts me to hear her talking about her death, but it also hurt to hear that she put others upon herself still. This woman deserves every love right now and I just can't hold myself.

I take her hand, pull her closer and press my lips against hers. None of us fighting the kiss and I can feel tears running down her face. I don't realize that I start to crying too.

But suddenly she pulls out. Eyes are red. "What am I doing? Dave? You shouldn't... I shouldn't...." She let go of my hand and I try to stop her. "Aubrey.. listen to me. It's just..."
"Just what Dave? If I don't stop myself, I'll ruin everything. Your life... I can't let myself to do that..." She quickly get out from my car and run into nearest bus stop. "Aubrey! Hey, please just listen..." I shout but she doesn't wanna hear a thing and step into the first bus that's coming.

I go back to my car, devastated. I don't know which one is the worst. The fact that I was willing to go after her and not thinking about my family, or the thought that I might not gonna see her again after what I just did. There's no way she's willing to see me again.