101 letters for you, Lou (Larry Stylinson) (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 12 - Home Sweet Home

A couple of days later

I don’t remember how I got to this state, the last thing I remember was that I had another nightmare and couldn’t sleep after it. I tried really hard but I just couldn’t. And now I’m in the bathroom, on the floor with a bloody razor in my hand and my blood dripping down my wrists on the floor and tears stream down my face. I didn’t feel anything and it was good, not like I’m complaining. I could forget about everything for a moment, Louis, my depression and the boys’ worry.

Suddenly I heard something, it was so annoying. What the hell was that? After a couple of minutes I recognized the sound it was my doorbell, “Shit” I mumbled. I stood as fast as I could but it wasn’t a very clever idea since I felt really dizzy then. I walked to the sink and washed my wrists. I hissed with pain as the water hit my cuts.

I quickly cleaned everything up, bandaged my wrists and wore a hoodie to hide the bandages and stormed to answer the door. I took a deep breath to calm down before opening the door. I was met with three angry lads at my door. “What the hell took you so long, Harry?” Niall said. “Sorry I was a sleep and just heard the doorbell. What are you doing here anyway?” I said hoping that my nervousness won’t show. “Have you forgotten, Haz? We said that we were having a movie night at your today.” Zayn said and I could see Liam eyeing me thoroughly as if he could see something was wrong and that scared the shit out of me. Oh, fuck I completely forgot about that “Oh, yeah. The movie night” I said trying to give them a smile but I failed due to the state I was in at the moment.

 I let them in and walked towards the living room. “Harry?” I heard someone calling my name and turned around to see that it was Liam. He looked at me directly in the eyes “Why are you so pale? Are you not feeling alright?” he asked and I wanted to tear my eyes from his but I knew that it will only make matters worse. “N-No, I’m fine. Just woke up that’s why.” I said and hoped he’d finally let it go. Luck was on my side and he kind of believed me.

Suddenly I felt someone pull my wrists and drag me to the kitchen. I hissed at the pain that shot through my body due to the contact with my fresh cuts. “Harry, c’mon let’s make some popcor-” Niall was cut off as he heard me yelp “Are you okay, Haz?” he asked. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine. I think I just r-ran over something that’s a-all. But it-it’s okay don’t w-worry” I said trying as hard as I could not to crack my voice. “Okay. So let’s make some popcorn, yeah?” he asked a smile appearing on his face that made it lit up. “Yeah” I simply responded.

Thankfully the rest of the day went smoothly and nothing really happened. Nobody suspected anything and I was really happy for that, ‘cause I knew that if they had known or only suspected that something might have happened, they might lock me up so that nothing could possibly happen to me. And after everything got quite again, I went to lay on my bed as the sleep took over me.

Letter 89

Dear Lou,
Today was a really tiring day. I was about to be caught cutting by the boys as they suddenly appeared in front my door for a long forgotten movie night that we arranged but I was too caught in my thoughts that I forgot about it. Anyway the day went okay at the end but there is something which was on my mind the whole day. A decision that will change everything, yet I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do yet. Wish me luck. I love you.

Love, Hazza xxx

Letter 90

Dear Lou,
I told you that there was something that I was thinking of, and didn’t know what to do about it. Well actually I made a decision, I know that what I’m going to do isn’t going to be very easy but it will be the best for everyone. Life’s been really hard without you Lou. Anyway I guess I’ll make this short and go pack my things, ‘cause I’m going to visit my mum and Gemma. Hopefully they’ll be happy to see me, ‘cause I don’t know when will the next time be to visit them.

Your, Hazza xxx

I went and packed clothes for about 3 days and went to my car, and of course I told Liam that I was going away since I don’t want him killing me if he came over and I wasn’t there. ‘Cause I’m sure he’ll knock the door down and make a huge drama out of it. As I told him that I was going to my mum for a couple of days, he sounded really happy, as if he had the feeling that I was getting better and that was exactly what I wanted. I drove off after hanging up with him, that’s going to be a long lonely drive.

I arrived after about 2 hours of driving; I took my bag and rang the doorbell. I was greeted with a very happy mum “Harry, baby! It’s nice to see you again. Come in.” and kissed my cheeks. “I’m really happy that you came for a visit, I was really worried about you.” she said as I walked behind her to find my way to the stair and go to my room. “Mum, who was at th-...Harry!” Gemma went and hugged me tight. “Hey, Gem. I missed you too.” I said as she was crushing my bones. “I’m so happy that you came to visit me and mum were really worried about you”. Why the hell is everyone worried about me, it’s not like I can’t take care of myself. “Gem, I’m going to take a nap since I’m really tired, so can you or mum just call me when dinner is ready?” I asked walking in my room “Sure, Haz. Sleep tight”. I placed my bag somewhere on the floor in my room and throw my body to my bed. It’s been really long since I was here last time.

I felt my eyelids get heavy and slowly they closed and I fell asleep. I was woken up by my mum telling me that dinner was ready. It was rather normal, we talked about random things and they didn’t bring Louis anywhere in the conversation, frankly I’m pretty thankful for that. I excused myself and went to my room feeling rather tired than I was before, so I went to sleep again in hope to have the energy to do lots of things tomorrow.