Harry sat on the couch, a cup of tea in his hand. It was quiet, the young boy sat there, only staring out of the window, looking at the cloudy sky. A yawn left his mouth as his eyelids started getting heavier. It started raining; Harry drank some tea from his cup and put it on the table in front of him. He was sleepy as he didn’t sleep well this past 2 weeks. He had the feeling that he could sleep forever. He was too sleepy to go to bed, so he just lied down on the couch and curled his body into a small ball and slept. As he woke up he realized that the light rain from yesterday turned to a huge storm. He went to his bedroom to go under the covers since it was chilly.
Letter 22
Dear Lou,
There was a huge storm today, the rain was pretty hard and thunder pretty loud. I stayed in my room looking at the grey sky covered with clouds. I waited for you to come to me, so that I’ll hold you, since you didn’t like thunder. Yet you didn’t come, I remembered when you’d come running into my arms, shaking like a little bunny and I’ll hold you, warm you up and take all of your fears away. We’d cuddle under the blanket and when the rain stops, I’d find you asleep in my arms. How much I’ve missed this, your sleeping face, your cute little snores and how peaceful you look when you sleep. I wish I’ll be able to see it again.
Love, Hazza xxx
Letter 23
Dear Lou,
today I was surprised by mum and Gemma at the door. They wanted to surprise me and check on me and they said that they’ve missed me. I was really surprised. If I knew that they’ll come I would have tidied up a little and bought something to eat, since I didn’t have anything at home. Of course mum was angry with me and I had to listen to her presentation about health. Well I just nodded and gave her an ‘I-understood-so-don’t-worry’ look. It’s not that I don’t like them being here but I just can’t drink as much as I want when they’re here. Hope it will be alright. Love you.
Your, Hazza xxx
“Harry, dinner is ready” I heard my mum call as I was sitting in my room writing letters for Louis like always. It’s been 3 days since mum and Gemma decided to check up on me. Well happily they’re leaving tomorrow. It’s not like they’re a bother but I just can’t be as free as I was before they came. And now mum cooks every day. I just can’t eat anymore; she just stuffed me full with food that I had to vomit later. I just couldn’t eat probably anymore. I went down after I have finished writing Louis a letter. I went out and put it in the mailbox. “Here I am” I said as I sat down on the chair. “What were you doing?” mum asked and Gemma looked at me with confusion in her eyes. “Erm, nothing particular” I told them hoping that they won’t catch my lie. “Are you sure that it’s nothing important, because you’ve been doing it every day since we came” mum asked me. “No, nothing! You could say that it’s a part of my daily routine” I said looking at the food. “Okay, Harry. I’ll just let it go this time” she said and I was happy that she didn’t want to know further things. And another boring day went by. Another day without Lou.
Letter 27
Dear Lou,
Mum and Gemma went home today and my apartment got quite again. There was no smell of cocking nor anything that made my apartment seem lively. Shortly after they left, I decided to make the pain that I have been holding, fade for a bit, I went to the cupboard where I had all of my alcoholic drinks and took a whisky bottle. As much as I wanted to drink it all, I just had to restrain myself or I’ll get in trouble, if Liam or anybody I knew finds me drunk again. I felt a bit better yet not completely fine since I still could feel this ache in my heart. I’m sure that some when I’ll be able to make the pain completely vanish but I guess I don’t have the courage to do so yet.
Your, Hazza xxx
Time passes so quickly, I can’t believe that I’ve been holding on for about two months now without Lou. I really missed him and the pain grew stronger every day. But it then came to the point when it was unbearable. Alcohol wasn’t comforting enough; I needed something stronger something to make my pain fade away. I went to the bathroom and saw it. A familiar cold object, it always lied there yet I never noticed that it might have the power to make the pain fade. I took it and placed it on my wrist; I don’t know should I do this? Is this the right thing to do? I didn’t care anymore though. I took the cold razor and pushed it into the skin. Just as I expected it did hurt, I felt pain throb in my whole body, yet it wasn’t bad I liked it. It was like a ‘good’ pain, suddenly the ache in my heart started to fade. It’s been so long since I’ve last felt this comfortable. I did another cut and watched as the crimson liquid started dropping off my wrist. I liked it; I liked to watch the blood drop on the floor. After some minutes the pain wasn’t there anymore I felt happy. It’s been so long since I’ve been this comfy. I felt a bit dizzy and wanted to sleep so I went straight to bed afterwards. This time I closed my eyes without any trouble and was asleep after a few seconds. If only I had started to cut earlier, I would have been feeling better and better every day.
Today I decided to do something which I will regret later but also something that will bring lots of memories too. Something that will make the matter worse but I had to do it. Well it’s not only that I had to do it well I actually wanted to go. Today I decided to go to Louis’ apartment, of course I didn’t tell anyone cause I know how they’ll react. Liam and the lads will be like ‘no don’t go’ or ‘take us with you so that we can make sure that you’re okay’. I wasn’t in the mood for all this so I kept silent about it. I was in front of Louis’ apartment at 3 o’clock. I stood in front of the door, still hesitant if I should enter or not. In the end I took a deep breath and opened the door. The apartment was so quiet and it looked like the day of Louis’ incident. Everything was the same expect of Louis’ blood that was cleaned off the floor after we went. I looked at the couch where Louis sat. There memories started flashing in my mind. I could see Louis’ lifeless body with pills thrown everywhere and a bloody razor on the floor. My sight became blurry as my eyes got teary. No, I didn’t want to remember that sight, I don’t want to remember how horrible it was. I don’t want to feel this ache in my heart again. I went out of the living room, unable to stay there anymore. I stood in front of Louis’ bedroom, took a deep breath and went inside. It looked the same. Louis’ smell was all over, and my tears fell down my face again. I laid on Louis’ bed and started crying my heart out. I put my face on Louis’ pillow and smelled Louis’ scent. I really liked his scent, it always made me relax and made me feel warm but right now, it only made me feel worse. I continued crying till I fell asleep.
YOU ARE READING
101 letters for you, Lou (Larry Stylinson) (BoyxBoy)
أدب الهواةAfter Louis attempted suicide the doctors sent him to a rehab center where he can get therapy. Although Louis promised Harry to never cut the contact between them, something happens that will change everything . What will happen when Harry writes L...
