Chapter 20 - Bolicets -

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The waiting and the helplessness. The two most frightful things when the life of the people the most important in your life are in danger. A huge hole formed in my chest and I have to fight against the pain that its making me suffer everyday since the beginning of the week. Maybe I dont deserve to live. Maybe I should also be under the ashes and the detritus of the manor of the spirit. Four days have past since this horrible day. My routine is the same and I cant stand being useless anymore. Its officially war Not only between the elements, but also between all the nations, except the human, obviously. Sometimes Flavius comes to inform me of whats going on, but without giving me too much details so I wouldnt trouble him. I simply know that Angela is alive and angry. It seems that she exploded half of the planet. All the refuges are reunited in what we call the dormitory. Theres three dormitory and were about 300 to share them. I hear people talk sometimes. Theyre saying that our planet is completely in ruins and that Angela is reconstructing her army. Every morning, at 7 oclock, we go in the cafeteria to eat breakfast and were locked in the dormitory until midday when we can get out to go eat and in the afternoon were free, but theres a list of places we cant go. Guards are supervising our slightest gestures with intensity. We could almost believe were in prison I dont think I saw another color than white and its making me completely crazy! In the evening, we eat, we take a shower and we go to sleep. I must therefore stifle my tears in my pillow so I wouldnt wake up the others around me. So, I dont talk to anybody. I dont know anybody even though they all know who I am. I scare them. My hair and character gives away my identity. I always wear Jakes necklace that I hide under my white clothes not to have it confiscated. Everyday, I hope that in the newcomers theres going to be a familiar face. Even if that face must be Davids Im only asking to find back my circle. I dont know how much time I spent sitting on my bed, staring at the emptiness, my legs crossed on my chest.

Tessa?

I look up to this curious little voice, but I immediately regret this thought of seeing a familiar face.

Maya.

My tone was a lot meaner and full of reproaches that I would have thought. They succeeded to save her? But not my family?

Is Jake with you?

I get up to face her and plunge my dead look in hers.

You dont know, I say with a brittle voice.

What are you talking about?

My heart tightens as I think about the events of the previous weeks. Hes still in Calzuma.

We both sit on my bed, but I only want her to leave me alone.

I heard that it was the children of the metal that destroyed the manor. How did you do it?

I close my eyes as I think about his lips on mine. His hands on my waist and my body against his. The hole in my chest seems to widen every time I think about it. I grimace of pain and shake my head to forget this souvenir. Maya has a history with Jake that Ill never understand, and it breaks my heart to have to tell her what happened.

Lets say that when we come in contact, we have difficulty controlling our powers

She says silent long enough and finally whispers, Hes dead, isnt he?

I dont bother answering. Sometimes silence is the clearest answer we can give.

You killed him

I beg your pardon? I say suddenly.

She gets up angrily and concludes before leaving, I loved him I really loved him, but I never loved you. Id like to wish him a death without any suffering, but it wouldnt be true. My hate towards you is stronger than my love for him. I hope he suffered simply for you to physically suffer too.

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