VIRIDITY • jb

twenty nine.

          I woke up from a dream showcasing that Justin was just messing with me like I'm an affair. That he was just playing games with me, that he wanted to make me realize how dumb of a person I am.

          But can he really do that? To me? Was it all just an act? Am I just another game to play? Was it all a lie?

          Not realizing I fell asleep, I saw that it was already dark outside. I can't help but think that what happened earlier was all just a dream. That this is just a preparation for what's incoming. But at the sight of my things packed in my luggage, I could say it was really hard to face reality.

          Shaking my head at the memory I once had with Justin saying that he was giving me that stupid soup for something in return was all I could do. So this is it Justin? This is it then? No, don't answer. I don't think I wanna know.

          My eyes found my phone beside me and I checked the time. It's seven thirty pm. Did I really just sleep for almost 12 hours?

          I clutched my chest just as I felt it to ache out of the blue and walked to the door to eavesdrop. Just when I hear no voice outside, I wished that they went out for dinner. So I can leave easily after leaving some letter. I just want to go home.

          Finally opening the door, I gasped when I saw Justin sitting on the floor while he sleeps as if he's waiting for me to go out. He jolted awake from my gasp and he stood up, holding my arms. He looked a lot different than the Justin I used to know. Instead of those confident gazes, he's currently having this languid expression written all over his face. God, he looked like shit but why is he still so damn beautiful?

          “Can we please talk?” his voice cracked, making him press his lips together.

          “I don't know,” I say as I stuck my eyes on the floor.

          “Liv can you please just hear me out?” his grip tightened when I shook my head. “Why are your things packed? Are you leaving? Shît, don't go. Listen to me.”

          “I don't know Justin! Okay? What else do I have to do? I can't do this!”

          “Yes you can. Please let's just talk this out. We can do this.”

          My breath wavered when he let out an unexpected sob. Fûck Justin don't make this harder than it should be.

          I held his stiff arms to keep him stable as his head was facing the ground. He kept on whispering the word no together with his pleas of me not going.

          “I'm gonna repeat myself Justin, I told you I don't even know right now. I don't know what to think, what to do, what to decide and what I want,” my hands absentmindedly stroked his arms lightly. “Let me make up my mind, please? This is huge for me. Give me some time.”

          Justin finally looks up at me, his eyes swollen, tired and red. His eyebrows are furrowed, giving him this weak appearance, he looks very uneasy. I can't even process why is he looking like that, was he guilty or plain devastated? I don't even know if he's sad because of me or just himself.

          “What if you don't come back? Promise me you'll come back,” he desperately pleaded, his eyes looking a lot pitier than the usual puppy eyes.

          I pulled my grip away from him and my hands flew into the air at my sides. “I'm sorry Justin I can't promise anything.”

          “No please you're too fast, please listen to me.”