VIRIDITY • jb

thirty one.

          I am a festive kind of guy. It's embarrassing to admit for most of the guys at this age like me but... I confess that I grew up with the tradition of waiting for the clock to hit twelve and make it officially Christmas.

          Out of all the special occasions, Christmas is definitely my favorite. I spent my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day when I was fifteen at the hospital once with some shît wrapped around my leg. I broke my leg from playing ice hockey a little too enthusiastic than I normally do. It hurt as hell yet it didn't become a hindrance for me to celebrate this holiday.

          Here I am, thinking about the incomparable pain she left me with as I stare at the clock next to my window, watching it snow far from being peaceful while the light is dimly lit.

          My daughters are tucked in for the night on my bed, making me smile genuinely. Wendy was somewhere in our guest room, probably sleeping too. They spend holidays often here since the twins are more of daddy's girls. I try to keep at least civil with Wendy and it works well before until now. It's like she has something to tell me when I was helping her with the dishes earlier, but she never spoke.

          Wendy and I never got along after that night years ago, love isn't in the equation. I wouldn't call that night stupid or a mistake because it gave me Sia and Bea. I never saw her look at me with sympathy ever after all these years, but tonight​ I swear I saw a hint of that in her eyes.

          My heart clenched at the thought of me not being able to tell Liv the whole story. I know I should let her decide and think but I won't let her leave. But I don't even know if she's still in Canada.

          I fished my phone out of my pocket and left my room and went downstairs to sit across the fireplace. I snuggled myself into my sweatshirt that Liv wore to sleep in on her last night here. It still smelt like her. Vanilla and feminine.

          The living room is fairly dark, glowing in light orange hues coming from the fireplace. It set the mood relaxing and warm. The carpet was soft under my toes, adding more comfort to me.

          Dialling Iris's number, I braced myself and cleared my throat. She answered within three rings. “Hey Iris.”

          “Justin, hey.”

          “I assume you know by now what happened.”

          She sounded hesitant. “Yeah I think I do.”

          “Yeah,” my voice cracked. “I just wanted to know if Liv's alright? I mean she's definitely not and I understand that, considering—”

          “Justin,” she warned. “She's alright. Warm and safe. How about you?”

          “Warm and safe.”

          She sighs. “Merry Christmas Justin.”

          “Merry Christmas to you and Kenneth too. I'm sorry for calling in so late.”

          “Don't mention it, I would shout at you if you interrupted something. We're just watching something right now, no worries.”

          “Enjoy your night,” I managed to chuckle.

          I hung up, sniffing the neckline of my sweatshirt. Vanilla and feminine. So nice to know she's warm and safe. That's enough for me.

          But she didn't tell if Liv's okay.

          “Justin, are you staying here?” Mom asked from the stairs and walked to the kitchen, maybe she woke up to get a glass of water.

          “Like old times, yeah. Could you please watch my kids?” I said, standing up to hug her when she walks in front of me.