Honey (A Keith Powers Story)

Chapter 57: Love Drought

Julian

After my attempt to apologize to Honey. I decided to go on home. I missed my family and I needed a clear head. I felt ashamed of myself for acting that way. I let my emotions get the best of me and I don't think there's any coming back from it. I pulled up in front of my house looking outside of it. Things didn't even feel the same. I knocked on the door standing there. I stopped being comfortable using the key once I walked in on my parents getting busy. The door opened and it was my dad. I pulled my hoodie down "Wassup pops" I said. He opened the door allowing me in. He embraced me in a hug, something I wasn't inspecting. "I missed you" he rubbed my head. I sighed "I miss you all too," I said. The both of us walked in the living room. "You want a beer or something? He asked.
"Yeah, I got it pops," I said. "No, let me get it. I've been waiting to drink a beer with you forever and you usually say no" he excitedly walked to the kitchen. Damn, was I not spending enough time with my dad. I swear I've tried but he still works like a Hebrew slave even when I convince him not to. "There ya go" handing me an ice cold corona.
"Thanks," I said chugging it. "Okay, what happened? He asked. I placed my bottle down.

"Honey and I broke up" I spoke

"I saw all that drama unfold on the internet" he shook his head.
I paused for a second gathering my thoughts. "Everything just spun out of control. She interviewed one of my enemies and I felt like she wasn't loyal to me. I said some things, she said some things and now we're here"I explained

"You know, you're a grown man Ju. I can't teach you how to be a man. I know I did a wonderful job molding you into the best part of myself but lately you haven't been acting yourself" he said.

"I figured, you'd get out of this shit but it seems like you're stuck," he said

"Yeah," I said sadly. "You have a smart, creative and independent lady and you let some immature punk get the best of you. I remember you always saying you wanted a girl to be on the same level as you and to put her career first" he said

"Yeah but she knows that he likes to be fresh with her" I explained.
"Dispute the situation, did you forget you can communicate with this brother," he said. "Pshh, he ain't like that, there's literally no talking with him" I explained
"You're making excuses if the situation cant be resolved to move on. We let our egos ruin so much for us at times"

"I almost slept with another woman. I fucked up" I shook my head. His mouth dropped "For what? He asked

"She was really telling me about myself and I was still mad that she went behind my back, even when I told her I wasn't comfortable. I blew it" I said
"Yeah you did, this lifestyle is bringing the ugly out of you," he said
"I don't even know why I feel this shift within myself" I admitted getting emotional. This was bigger than the breakup. I know first hand that I haven't been feeling myself but I can't put my finger on the reason"

"I think high school had a lot to do with it. I'm not making excuses for you but I noticed since you were picked on a lot as a child as you gotten older it caused you to overcompensate, be obsessive over your weight, your look, your ego. Maybe that Ricky guy reminds you of all those guys that bothered you in high school" he explained

"Yeah but I'm over that. Its the past" I said
"I'm sure you're over it but sometimes we subconsciously do things because of certain incidents. I think you're scared to revert back to who you truly are"
"You're not this super ripped up macho man that boxes, and goes to red carpets. You're a sweet guy that loves fixing cars and is terribly in love with your neighbor" he said making me smirk.

"But I'm not him anymore okay. I enjoy boxing, I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something greater than myself. I love it" I said

"I'm not saying this isn't your calling but in the midst of it all, you lost your essence and you gotta get it back" he spoke
"But how dad? I don't even know who I am anymore" my eyes teared up. He slowly got up "When have I ever raised you to forget who you are. You are Julian Tyree Maxwell. Grandchild of slaves that never got to dream, grandchild of civil rights leaders, a son of a hard-working instructor and a son of a hardworking, multitalented mother. I'd advise you to study your damn self.. because I cant look at you right now" he began walking away
"Dad" I called him. "You act like I said I'm completely clueless" I argued. My dad was a very conscious man. "The moment you even forget who you are for a second that's when you satisfy the white men. They want you to be lost and misguided. They want you to be their entertainers while they constantly kill you. So there's no "I don't know who I am" bull" he said