Dark Hair with the Thick Thighs|| Blackbear (M.M.)

Always leaving |27

I ended up leaving later that night while Bear was still sleeping. He had slept most of the day. I didn't mind just laying there with him, but at a point it became too intimate. I know that sounds crazy because we've slept together numerous times. But just laying there in the same bed for hours and hours with his head on my chest sleeping and his arms around me and me running my fingers through his hair was so incredibly intimate for me. When I was with Elliot he hardly even wanted to sleep in the same bed with me, let alone cuddle. Being with Bear was oddly comforting and it scares the hell out of me.

I quietly went into my apartment and saw Lila passed out on the couch. She had pizza on the coffee table and the tv was turned on. I gently reached down and grabbed the remote, turning off the tv. I closed the pizza box and set it on the kitchen counter before walking into my room. I changed into a tank top and just my underwear. I put my hair up in a scrunchie and washed my face before laying down. Though I spent all day in bed I didn't really sleep that much. I looked through my phone quickly and saw a text message.

Bear 🐻: you always seem to leave when I want you to stay the most

I sighed. I didn't know what to say to be honest. He was confusing. We had a mutual understanding to keep whatever our relationship is lowkey. I didn't much care if anyone knew about it, it's easier for both of us though. But sometimes Bear literally didn't give a shit. He would full on makeout with me in front of a room full of people and in the same hour absolutely hate PDA. His mood swings drive me crazy, that's for sure but there's something about him, more than just the amazing sex, that keeps pulling me back to him. I tell him how dangerous he is for me because I couldn't control myself around him. I wanted to lay in bed with him all day and that's the scary part. I put up with so much of Elliot's shit for years it's crazy. Even though him cheating with Amanda was the last straw he'd done it before. He'd fucked other girls in the past but I let it go because I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. But what no one knew, not even Addy and Kells, is that the night I found out he had slept with Amanda and went over to her house he was there. And I was heated and screaming at both of them and Amanda was just sitting there, crying and Elliot was screaming back at me, blaming me then he hit me. We were all silent after that. I never spoke another word to either of them. I went home, packed my bags, spent a night in a hotel and the next day I left. I spent a few weeks in New York just being around thousands upon thousands of people. I didn't stick around for anyone. At that point I officially had no one. And I knew if I told Kells he'd probably kill him and same goes for Addy. She's a small girl but damn you don't wanna be in a fight with her. At that point I didn't wanna be with anyone ever again. I didn't want to have another relationship. I had just spend years knowing that I was in a shitty relationship and I was constantly so unhappy with it. I spend a good two weeks in New York just partying and sleeping with random guys. I had more fun in those weeks than I'd ever had since I started dating Elliot in high school. And I vowed that I would just be honest in my life and I wouldn't hold in so much stress and anger like I had been.

I didn't reply to the text, I put my phone down and went to sleep.

"Bree!" Lila yelled, waking me up. "What?" I groaned. "I texted and called you all day yesterday, where were you?" I rolled my eyes. "I was out." She laughed sarcastically. "Out? You mean you were sleeping with Blackbear." She said with attitude before walking out. I buried my face back in my pillow. She's so over dramatic. "Are you always a this annoying so early in the morning?" I shouted after her. "Fuck off, Briana." I laughed, getting out of bed and going into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and jumped in.

"I'm leaving." I said to Lila who was still sitting on the couch, with her arms crossed. "Going to see him?" She grumbled. "He's not even in the state, Lila. Get off your attitude." I rolled my eyes, walking out.

I spent the day by myself I did some shopping and posted a boujee photo of me carrying all my designer bags on Instagram. I love to shop for sure and sometimes I go a bit overboard like today. I spent nearly 5k on new makeup, new Gucci, and some new Balenciaga shoes.

When I got back home Lila wasn't there. She's get over whatever she had an issue with sooner or later and knowing her she'd probably be over it by tonight. I put all of my bags down and pulled my hair up before walking back int the kitchen. I got out a pot and a pan. I put water on to boil for the pasta and got out the hamburger, mushrooms and sauce for the tomatoes. I turned on some music while I was in the kitchen and waited for the water to boil.

"6 o'clock in the morning, glass breaking on the floor. Shawty trippin on somethin, swear I didn't do nothin." I sang, dancing around. I heard the door open and Lila walked in. She just starred at me for a minute before she started laughing and walked over to me. I grinned and hip bumped her. She laughed and started dancing around too. I finished seasoning the sauce and turned off the stove. I turned down the music and Lila smiled at me. "I'm sorry I was pissed off this morning. I was mad about something that happened last night and then you didn't come home and I was worried." I grinned. "I'm sorry too, I should have called." She nodded. "Yes, or at least texted." I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. I made spaghetti for dinner." I sad getting down a bowl from the cabinet and making myself some. Lila laughed and did the same, both of us putting an excessive amount of cheese on top before we plopped down on the couch and watched Ru Paul's Drag Race.