The Adventures of Bob

Bob 7

"Phil, he's taking his first steps!" my mom yelled.

Fuck, not this shit again.

"Seriously?? Are you sure this time?" he responded.

"I'm positive!"

And with that, my mom stood me next to a chair and she held me.
"Don't worry, I asked some of my motherly friends and asked them how to teach you properly. I won't let you down this time" then she smiled at me.

I replied by staring at her dead in the eyes. I didn't even blink.

My dad ran in with a camera and sat next to my mom. He held the camera up to his face and told her she could start at any moment.

This is the time.
My time.
My time to shine.

My mom nodded at me and I let go of the chair. I faced my mom and nodded. She smiled at me and we proceeded to make me take my first steps. She didn't let go of me this time.

Thank God for that.

I took my left stick and moved it forwards. My right stick followed. Mt mother smiled.

I took more steps and then my mom looked at me. I stopped. Looked at her, and we nodded to each other. She slowly let go of me and kept her arms near me so I wouldn't fall like last time. I tripped a little, but my mom got my back. I got back up and tried again.

I took about three steps by myself before falling on my face again. My mom had to yawn.
Fucking yawn.
And I fell on my face again.
Still didn't cry though.
My dad stopped recording and picked me up. He spinned me in circles and laughed.

"Finally! My son can walk. Now mom will let me explore with you. It was very lonely by myself," my dad said as he laughed uncontrollably.

My mom stood up and walked out of the living room into the kitchen, "I'm going to get dinner started."

My dad replied "Ok".

My dad say on the couch and put me next him.

"I'm going to tell you a secret," he said. "Your mom didn't want you to walk because she agreed that I could take you across the world once you learned how to walk. That's why I was so patient when she was teaching you. And you must be wondering, 'why did you just teach me yourself?'. Well, that's because she would've killed me because she declared that she would be the one to teach you."

I sat next to my dad and listened to him. He pat me on the back and stood up again. He picked me up and said, "Let's go eat dinner."

And then we walked into the kitchen with the smell of death in that air.

Yes, death.

My mom isn't very good at cooking.

I'm lucky I still eat baby food and applesauce.

Oh, God, I'm so fucked.

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Look forward to Bob's next Adventure!