Insane.

Chapter 11

Don't Wanna Miss A Thing- Areosmith

Amnesia- 5SOS (it's kinda my fave)

Right Now- 1D

*NIALLS POV*

I wake up before Harley does. Just like last time, she's cuddled up against my body, with her head using my chest as a pillow.

Her beautiful hair is in a tangled bun like last night, but it's gotten a little worse since then. Her hand grips my shirt and I know that when she releases it, it will be extremely wrinkled. But I don't mind. I slept peacefully yet again because of her.

She is so beautiful. Everything about her is absolutely perfect. Even though she's wearing a big shirt and sweats, I can still see the amazing curve of her hips. My hand rests on them, and I can feel the slow movements of her breaths.

I am in love with her. There's not a doubt in my mind. I am so in love with her. I want her to be mine. I want to be hers.

"I love you." I whisper.

Part of me wishes she could hear that, but part of me is glad that she can't. She would never love me, and I know it. As much as I wish she would, I know she can't. No one would ever fall in love with a schizophrenic murderer.

I wish that I could change everything. I wish that I would have never gone crazy, and that I could live a normal life. Maybe then I would have a chance with her.

But then again, if I never went crazy, I would never be here. And if I never came here, I would have never met her. So in a way, I'm thankful for that. Because, every second with her is like a year of normalcy.

I wonder what it's like to be normal. To have real friends, to do well in school, to have parents who have simple jobs and live in a cute, simple house. I wish I knew. But all I know is darkness.

My disease has ripped a lot of my memory, and I'm actually quite thankful for it. Most of my memories are dark and brutal, things no one wants to remember. But, I don't ever want to forget this time I have with this amazing woman. If God only grants me one wish, I wish to never forget her.

What have I done to deserve her kindness? I will never understand why she is so good to me. I don't deserve it. I deserve to be locked up and chained, but she gives me a freedom that I've never experienced.

She's given me my mind back. I can think for myself again. I know what's going on and I am not confused anymore. At least, when she's with me. I am no longer afraid of the world around me. I can form coherent sentences! I don't lose my train of thought as much anymore! I don't lose focus and interest anymore! I can smile, and laugh again. It feels good to laugh. I like to laugh.

I kiss the top of her head so gently that she won't feel it, but enough for the satisfaction I get from giving it. "Thank you." I whisper.

I don't think I remember last being kissed. I can't remember being kissed by my parents ever. I did have a girlfriend sophomore year... I can't remember her name.. But it was only like a month. I might have kissed her, but I don't remember it. I don't remember much of her, anyway. She might have been blonde. That's all I've got. I remember she dumped me because I was too depressed. She didn't know I was depressed, but the reasons she broke up with me were like: me being too quiet, too anti-social and being tired so much. Basically signs of depression. That was the time of the onset of my mental illness.

Harley's phone starts to loudly play a song I don't recognize, and she jolts awake. I pretend to be jolted awake too. She quickly fumbles in her sweat pants for her phone, and when she finds it, she turns the song off.