Insane.

Chapter 18

Poison & Wine- The Civil Wars
How To Save A Life- The Fray
Amnesia- 5SOS

*HARLEYS POV*

"Harley, I'm in love with you." His voice shakes, barely squeaking out the words. I look at his hands in his lap, which are trembling with nerves.

He stares at me desperately, begging me to say something. But I'm at a loss for words. "Niall..." Is all I can choke out with a small shake of my head.

It's not that I don't love him. I do. But, not in the way he does. Or thinks he does. I love him more like a brother and a friend.

"It's true." His trembling voice whispers. I was the one whispering a while ago; now he is. "I've loved you since you first walked into my room." His voice cracks from the emotions pouring out of his mouth, and it breaks my heart.

I'm no psychologist, but I know that what he's feeling can't be love. He's under the impression that he loves me because I take care of him and he feels safe with me. Like the hero effect. Where in movies, the girl instantly falls in love with the boy who saves her life. He doesn't really love me, he's in love with the thought of loving me.

"It's not, Niall. You're confused-"

"No I'm not." He interrupts. "I'm not confused, Harley." His voice has gone from nervous and shaking to confident in a matter of seconds. "I might be crazy, but I know what love is. And I know that I love you. Every second you're here is like an eternity of happiness. When you're gone, I can't stop thinking of what you're doing. My heart physically flutters when you smile, especially when it's because of me. You have a beautiful smile, you know that right? Harley, I don't know how to explain it. I'm not good with words at all, but I am so in love with you and it's been eating me inside for so long and I couldn't hide it anymore."

I feel an unwanted tear roll down my cheek, but before I can wipe it, he does.

"Trust me, I'm well aware of the fact that you don't and never will love me. I understand that and I accept it because you know what? I love you and I want the absolute best for you and I know that can't be me."

"Niall...." I mumble.

"I'm crazy. I can't fucking tell what's real or not and I can't control my actions sometimes. You've given me a serenity I have never known before. But, you also drive me crazy too. Even more crazy. It's just a different kind. You see, everything I've done in the past month is all for you, to impress you. I do things that I never cared about before- like changing my clothes and brushing my hair and talking to people and going to therapy, it's all because of you." I take this moment to realize that he has put on a pair of jeans today. It's quite different from the usual grey sweatpants.

"You drive me crazy, Harley. But the good kind. The kind that makes me want to do anything to please you; and I do mean anything. It's the kind that is completely hopeless and desperate but worthwhile. I remember this quote from Edgar Allan Poe that has been burned in my mind. It goes like this, 'I was never truly insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.' And that couldn't be any truer. I love you Harley, and I'm not going to hide it anymore because all that does is hurt me. And I'm sick of being hurt all the time."

I was never truly insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.

Wow. That's actually a really great quote.

"Niall, please listen to me. I'm your nurse. I care about you, I do. And I'm not going to lie to you; I do love you. But not in that way, okay? And I know that you want to feel loved and you're desperate for it, but, trust me, I'm not the one for you. I know she's out there, but she's not me." I put my arm around his shoulders and pull him closer to me. "But let me tell you this: one day you will find her and she will be the one that makes you question why you ever gave anyone else a second glance. But as for me, I'm your nurse, and we're friends, but don't waste your love on me. But whoever does end up winning your heart will be the luckiest woman in the world."