July 2014
if I'm to die young
if my time is brief and fleeting
I don't want a funeral
I don't want flowers
I want a last party, where you at least try to be happy
try to be happy for me.
if I'm to die young
by my own hand
it'll be no one's fault but mine
no matter what you try to say
don't let them speak for me
don't let them say it was for this reason or that
I was simply giving into the temptations
I've had since the age of 12.
if I'm to die young
in some horrible accident
don't let them show a wax figure in a coffin
constructed from my body
I want no funeral, no viewing
especially if my body is in no state to be viewed.
if I'm to die young
don't let them take me to a church
don't let a priest say I'm going to heaven
when I believe in no such thing
don't let him convince my family
I'm in a better place
I'll be in no place at all, exactly where I should be.
if I'm to die young
don't ever forget me
don't let them take down my pictures
stop telling my stories
don't let the happiness die with me.
if I'm to die young
show them this poem
don't let them tell lies about me
let them know I loved them
let them know what I thought
don't let my thoughts die with me.
but whatever I do
don't allow me to die if at all possible
life is worth living, even if I convince myself it's not.
let me live for the ones I love
and the ones who love me.
let me live for the perfectly tuned strings
and the perfectly played piece of music
and the feeling out on the water at 5 am
and the feeling of small death after I row a good race
and the feeling of my legs burning after a 3 mile run.
let me live for the feeling of smoke slipping down my throat
and the warmth of my eyes and heaviness of my body
the only way I know of to slow life down.
let me live for the feeling of kisses on my inner thighs and lips
and hickeys on my neck
and sexual desire so strong it feels lethal.
let me live for a good meal
and a good night out with friends
and a good day with a lover
and just spending time with my family.
let me live for the future
and my dreams
and what my father always wanted for me.
because whatever I say
I don't really wish to die
since so many dead always wished to cross the styx.
