July 2014
oh father, forgive me.
forgive me for all the things i never said and did
forgive me for the rides i never took with you
the things i never did with you
that i should've
forgive me for the pre-teen attitudes i displayed
for my ignorance that those years would be the last i ever spent with you
forgive me father, for my mile-long page of regrets
and all the things you did that deserved recognition
and all the times i took for granted.
forgive me mother.
forgive me for the vitriol i hold dear to my heart
forgive my seclusion, my mercurial attitudes
forgive my secrecy about the things i know, that you don't know i know
forgive me for being unstable, and outside the orderly worldview you've always possessed
for being the mirror image of my father, in my face and my mind
for displaying inadequacy in your eyes
forgive me for the scars on my ankles and wrists
for the creation of new scars
for not pressing the issue of preventing creation through medicinal means.
forgive me, my friends.
forgive me for the dishonest advice of staying strong
forgive me for not following my own advice
of not succumbing to those feelings of self-destruction
and the breakage that followed
forgive me for being neglectful
for being temperamental
forgive me, my friends, for my self-absorption
for all the times we didn't talk
and for simply being a bad friend.
forgive me my love, my only love.
forgive me for my broken promise to never leave
forgive me for my broken promise to never take another blade to my skin
the only two promises ever made to you that i broke
you'll see the broken promises on my skin
and you'll feel hurt, but not half the hurt i felt breaking it
for i've hurt you more than anyone
even though i love you more than anyone.
