you sent me that modern baseball song today
"how do you tell a girl you want to kiss her"
and I read too much into it
I didn't know what you were trying to say
and you told me you felt the same way as I did about you, and it should've brought relief, but it didn't.
you have her, and you told me you planned on having her for a while
and I knew I couldn't do it anymore
I couldn't live in the gray areas between the lines
I didn't want to be a big secret
I wanted you to choose
and I wanted it all to finally happen the way I wanted.
I wrote other things about you that I didn't share
back when I didn't know
and I didn't plan on this happening
and I told you how I'd be willing to wait
but I can't anymore.
so I hope you're happy (honestly, I do)
but at the same time, I want you to realize
that you didn't make the right choice
but I know it won't happen.
you said things were good for you right now
you didn't want to disrupt the calm
you didn't know what you wanted
that you didn't want to hurt her like that.
you said maybe someday
I don't know if you actually meant it
or were just saying it to let me down easy
but I can't get my hopes so high again.
but I hope you enjoyed listening to vampire weekend and passion pit in your car with all the windows down
and I hope you know how genuinely nice it was when you rubbed my back the one time
and I hope you realize what staying up late and listening to you play your guitar on skype meant to me.
and I'll be alright, but I'll still always wonder what having more than this would've felt like.
