Back to life, Back to a lie

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Dedicated to DidntFinishTheMilk for being lit 😂😂😏🙄👌👌💯💯(kill me)

tw for suicidal thoughts and general angst(andpercyselfprojectinghisproblemsontoconnor)

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Deleted Message

Deleted Message

Tree
Hey, Connor, are you okay?
[read, 4:56pm]

Tree
I don't mean to bother you but you haven't been to school for two days and Zoe won't talk to me.
[read, 5:00pm]

Tree
Connor I can tell you're reading my messages, you don't have to say anything but could you please say something?
[read, 5:10pm]

HotTopic
something.
[read, 5:11pm]

Evan almost died right there on the spot from relief, letting go of the breath it seemed he'd been holding since school ended.

Tree
Where are you?
[read, 5:13pm]

HotTopic
hell.
[read, 5:13pm]

Tree
Connor are you alright?
[read, 5:14pm]

HotTopic
when am i ever alright, hansen
[read, 5:15pm]

Tree
Do you want to talk about it?
[read, 5:15pm]

HotTopic
why would you care
[read, 5:15pm]

Tree
Because we're friends?
[read, 5:16pm]

Deleted Message

HotTopic
just like my parents haha
[read, 5:20pm]

Tree
What do you mean?
[read, 5:21pm]

Tap, Tap.

Evan glanced at his window and almost had a heart attack when he saw Connor standing there, in the pouring fucking rain, hood pulled over his head. He ran over to the window, opening it and Connor climbed in, taking off his hood and shaking his head.

Evan wouldn't ever dare say it outloud, but Connor looked a mess. Have you ever seen a depressed kitten that someone dunked in water?

His hair stuck to his face and fell awkwardly out of the unintentionally messy bun it was in, his eyes were red and his face was flushed and tearstained.

"C-Connor, what happened?"

"My parents are getting a divorce, whoop-dee-fucking doo." Connor spat, and the venom in his voice made Evan involuntarily cringe. The taller boy seemed to notice this and sighed, sitting down on Evan's desk.

Evan sat down in the chair, like a normal person, and looked up at Connor with a concerned expression. It was probably wrong to ask and he had no doubt he'd regret it, but- "Why do you care?"

Connor looked up at the glowstars on Evan's ceiling, faded and white that he'd never bothered taking down. "Fucking hell, Evan, why do I care?" The question was probably meant to come out sarcastically, but his voice was sad and full of depth, "Closer than ever when they thought I was a goner, and the second I'm back mom works later and Larry comes home early just so they don't have to see eachother, and just when I start to think 'Hey, maybe this isn't so bad and my life isn't some bullshit b-list soap opera after all,' they get a fucking divorce, Hansen! Why do I fucking care?" He stood up now, his face even redder and tears streaming down his face, "They were happier when I was dead!" He screamed.

H

e fell back against the wall, sliding down into a seated position, hair falling into his face as he wiped at his eyes, "Everyone was happier when I was dead."

If Evan could put into words his emotions at that moment, the only description that could come close to what he felt would be shattered. Seeing Connor in so much pain, pain that was partially his fault-

He sat down next to his friend, watching the brown-haired boy attempt to bite back his tears.

"It's.."

"It's fine not to be okay, Connor," he started, unsurely, "But you- you can't l-lie to yourself.. nobody would be happier if you were dead! We were all miserable-"

"You didn't even know me. Nobody did."

"And we thought never would be able to."

Evan scooted closer to Connor, tentatively placing his hand above the others, lacing their fingers together. Connor's breath hitched audibly, but he didn't pull his hand away.

"I.. If you had actually died, Connor, I can tell you that with complete honesty that," He took a deep breath, blinking away tears of his own, "T-that I'm n-not too s-sure that I'd be here e-either. S-so don't you d-dare ever say we'd b-be happier if you were dead."

When Connor didn't respond, Evan pulled him into a tight hug, getting up onto his knees so that his head was resting on Connor's shoulder, muttering into his ear, "We love you. I love you, you're my best friend."

Connor sobbed, clinging to Evan as if he were a lifeline. Evan didn't really mind. He ran his fingers through his friends hair, letting him cry, because he knew all too well exactly how Connor felt.

They sat there, together, Connor crying and Evan on the verge of tears. When Connor ran out of breath and tears to shed, Evan told him about trees. About the redwoods and how people hollow them out sometimes to make houses, and how you can drive straight through them.

And that's how Heidi found them in the morning, asleep on the floor in eachothers arms, Evan sleeptalking, muttering about pine trees, and Connor with a contented smile on his tearstained face.

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this chapter is gross lol

p r ob l e m at ic

886 words