whispers and mutters • blasnique

Chapter Three

mentions of suicide

THIRD PERSON

Blaster was Unique's shadow; always there wherever he goes, mainly because Unique liked having someone around when he feels the loneliest and in need of someone else's company.

Unique took Blaster to the car, dragging him to the front seat and closing the door.

Blaster was obviously pissed off, he surely wanted to rest but Unique won't let him.

"I think I need a cigarette." Unique muttered under his breath, "Stop smoking, it's annoying." "Shut up, man."

Blaster stood silent, arms crossed and his face looking at the opposite direction from Unique.

"Jesus Christ, where are we going again?" Blaster asked in a pissed tone, crossing his arms and rolling down the windows as Unique inserted the key to the ignition. "Nowhere. You know, little adventures.." Unique smiled, trying to think of an impromptu valid excuse. "I'm tired, you know that?"

Unique ignored Blaster's excuse and lit a cigarette, another death stick corrupting his poor lungs - he didn't need them anyway. "You know, I'm kinda pissed, what am I here for? Am I here just to listen to your rants about how life is treating you like complete trash? You know I'm kinda sick of that - and I'm tired as well, you know? --"

"Okay. Okay. Jesus. Your words hurt - wait, fuck. Okay, chill. Chill! I don't know what to do with my life, and you're such a good friend, you know? Fuck, okay? I want you around cause you keep my anxieties calm, you make me happy. I'm sorry if I'm being a dick, okay? You're just so good to me," Unique speaks in a somehow anxiety-calming tone. It calmed Blaster's anger to say the least.

Blaster nodded to Unique's response, and looked into the absence as the guy beside him drove away to somewhere. Just somewhere, some place free from hate, recklessly driving and smoking all their stresses away.

"Don't you think you've been smoking for way too much?"

"Yeah? I don't know. At least it calms me and if I don't smoke my shit I've probably been dead by now, you know?"

"Why do you care so much about death when those little cigarettes basically take years off your lifespan?"

"I've made amends with death anyway, I'm just waiting for my lungs to finally give up and my liver to stop working - you know?"

"I call that bullshit. I mean why do even want to just calm your anxieties when you could just - I don't know - kill yourself? Jump off a bridge? Crash this car? I mean you want to die, right---"

"Shut the fuck up, you know that? You don't understand whatever a suicidal person feels cause you're such a bright sunshine that no darkness could overshadow. You don't know whatever the fuck is going on inside my mind, cause you're happy and I'm not. You're enjoying and I'm suffering. Get that through to your thick skull, would you?"

Unique's driving was progressively getting faster and he seemed like he was speeding - passing the normal speed and Blaster felt in danger. His heart was beating fast and he could feel his surroundings darken, the smoke from Unique's mouth was clouding the atmosphere and it was starting to get hotter.

Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, and his vision was blurring out. Unique was feeling the same, but worse though.

With urges of wanting to kill the both of them, he sure did want to crash the car. Hands shaking and emotions in a rage, he screamed - and closed his eyes.

I've made amends with death now. I'm a sinner. I used to be lost, and now I've found myself, in a flaming place - filled with darkness and sinister thoughts; Hell.

I'm a sinner, and I'll never be a saint. I've discovered who I really am, and I am nothing but a filthy, sick-in-the-head, numb, and dirty animal. I deserve to be in Hell. I deserve death, I deserve---

He felt someone shaking his shoulder, repeatedly calling his name - it was Blaster.

Why am I not dead yet? Am I in Heaven? Am I--

"You've been still for almost like five minutes? What's goin' on, bud?"

"N-nothing. I just need rest." Unique excused, but to be really honest, he thinks he just had some type of panic attack and zoned out - they were still at the same place that they used to be before Unique drove off.

"So yeah, where are we going?"

"I don't know... Little adventures."

"Sure. Just be steady when you drive. I'm tired and I'm up for a little ride. So.. where to?"

"I also don't know."

"Well uhm, how's your band going?"

And Unique's anxiety boosted once again, trying to keep his cool with a straight face and then sighing. "Not so good. But we got some gigs, you wanna go? I could give you like - free tix or something.." Unique suggested just to dodge the topic.

"Ah, sure. I'll bring some friends, I guess. I'm pretty sure they'd like your band a lot." Blaster smiled, then looked away.

"You know what, how about we just - eat ramen noodles at some convenience store. Or watch TV later at home? I kinda want to rest though."

Blaster was a little confused by the sudden tone and suggestion, but he liked Unique seeing calm and steady. He'd agree to the offer, just to make Unique happy and smiling.

"Sure."

And the moment I thought I'd finally see my fate; death from a car crash, I thought wrong. I ended up being shaken by my best friend who's in the shotgun seat, wondering if I'm still there because I've been still for minutes.

Guess my only fates are ramen noodles at this convenience store, a ride back home and you.

Guessing it's still not my time to die yet, but I'll make sure I die first - cause it'll kill me seeing you six feet under, I'm gonna lose myself if I do - so I'll go first.