whispers and mutters • blasnique

Chapter Four

UNIQUE

All I could hear right now is screaming - just pure noise coming from the both of us. Minds preoccupied by thinking of unintelligible nonsenses and angry responses to throw at each other's faces.

She sure was hurtful in speaking her words and it felt like glass shards going through my skin so deeply, and the only thing I could do was push it down even more with my responses that have no facts to even back those up.

"You, yes you, you bitch. I can't fucking take it anymore, you fucking douche. You know what, fuck YOU. You're a bitch, okay? You're a fucking BITCH." The small girl with a petite frame points at me, with infuriating eyes and her blood boiling so bad likes she's about to damn EXPLODE.

"Then what, huh? Then you come back at me later on after we fight? How bold of you to assume that your words aren't so fucking painful and that you'ren't a bitch too." I scowl at her.

I could feel the anger rushing through her veins and sometimes I just want to laugh at how much raged she's become - but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm so pissed off because of her being a bitch for not cooking food.

She silenced herself, examining me afterwards. It was a rough minute of complete silence that killed me along with her deathly stares at me. She walked away, her bare feet touching the ground as she walks to the kitchen. I observed the way her tank top's strap slowly slid down her porcelain skin, the way her top itself hugged her curves, and the way she tied her hair up in a messy bun whilst preparing her coffee.

"Just.. tell me."

Breaking the silence wasn't such a smart choice in the first place, cause I could still feel her pent up anger from within.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me if you love me or what. Cause we've been a thing for months but I feel like everything's forced... Maybe you've been thinking of parting ways..? I don't know. My mind's all in a big pile of words; just a big mess." I explained, sitting down the couch as I speak.

"What are you trying to say?" She walks to the couch, looking down at me holding her mug of coffee.

"I don't know. Maybe you wanna break up?"

She looked at me grudgingly, giving me some sort of reluctant look. Then everything just felt so slow as I started to look at her direction.

The reluctant look on her pretty face was still there, staring at me in complete disappointment as her tears start to fall down her cheeks.

"... You know what? I fucking hate you. That's fucking it. You're a bitch, you're worthless and you're the worst person I've ever fucking met. You've ruined me in so many fucking ways and I fucking hate you not just for that."

The way she forcefully smiles while crying isn't something I've really seen her do every once in a while. She wiped her tears, sobbing and whimpering then went upstairs in speed.

I'm so fucking done with what I've entered and with who I thought I loved.

The thought of love has been bothering me ever since, mainly because of the fact that I've never given two fucks about the thing and also because I have never thought I have felt love. It feels so surreal for me thinking about love and I know I'll always feel like it.

This girl I'm dealing with is a bitch and it suddenly made me guilty as hell seeing her cry. The way her tears fell down that skin of hers just made me feel so.. down. It's unusual for me to see her in pieces like that.

I could only resort to one thing and one thing early.

Desperate as it seems but it's the nuclear option, and I can't help but do it.

I lit up a cigarette, then grabbing a pack to put into my pockets. I walked out the door afterwards, leaving the apartment. I look up at the dark night sky, then blowing a puff of smoke as I feel the cool breeze of the evening.

What even time is it?

The evening was growing dark and sleep began to hang heavily, like stone mortars, on my eyelids. I watched the sky, slowly moving in the dark yet I still get to be fascinated by the slow and subtle speed of movement of it.

All I need is a fucking cigarette right now.

Something to calm me the fuck down.

Cause I feel like the world has given up on me and all I feel is this seasonal fucking depression that I can't get off my system.

Can't there just be change?

I've been yearning for something new ever since the start, something to spark my the joy inside me and something to just give me genuine happiness.

Maybe someone could help fill that void in my head. Maybe someone could help me just escape reality even for just a split second.

Maybe..?

Fuck it.

Out of anger, I threw my cigarette butt on the ground, stepping on it repeatedly and madly as I was infuriated and raged.

Nothing will ever fucking change, nothing ever will.