22 More Short Stories About Unnamed City

Mass Debate 2: Electric Ooga Boogaloo

Back at the high school auditorium, MII King, Trump, Sagmaster, Dysten, Agolf and Kowalski were preparing to debate about current issues in Unnamed City. The event was going to be moderated by Riley Porter and Eddie. Sagmaster began loading up his truth bullets for the debate, but realized he had none because he was a politician now, so instead he used lie bullets. Freddy Benson was working the cameras to televise the event to those, too lazy to actually come and watch it. "We're live in 5...4...3...2" Said Freddy, pointing his finger, indicating they should start. "He skipped one. Sad!" Said Trump. After Riley did the boring part of introducing the event, the questioning began.

"Donald, this first question is for you." Began Riley Porter. "How do you intend to deal with the mass immigration of OCs from City with a name?" She asked. Trump then very sexually groped the mic like he always does. "Well clearly, these immigrants are rape dealers and drugists who are stealing our jobs. So we should build a wall to keep them out." Said Trump. "But they're already here." Said Dysten.  "Uhhh." Said Trump because building a wall was his solution to everything, as well as throwing money at things. "I think we should send them to this new gulag I'm building." Said Kowalski, bringing up his Google slide presentation about it. "Kowalski that is a disabled man." Said Riley Porter. "Hey, it was built with tax payer money, and about 50% of this town commits tax fraud." Said Kowalski. Riley then looked at Agolf. "Isn't it obvious?" He said holding a happy box. Suddenly MII King arose at a podium. "Excuse me, who are you? I don't think you registered to participate in this debate." Said Riley Porter. "Me kong. bE abut lugi." Said MII king. "You do realize Miiverse died, and then exploded right?" She said.

"np me" Said MII King who was now homeless, and living in a trash can ever since Miiverse ended. "wBIT!" Shouted MII King. "What?" Said Riley Porter. "vik alfjmkdli ela kf kjd.ls auiklf kal fkjliau" Said MII King. "ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKA DO YOU SPEAK IT?" Said Eddie, before zapping him back to his trash can. "Proceed." Said Eddie, stroking his beard. "Thanks Eddie." Said Riley. "You're welcome Riley." Said Eddie. "Anyways, Mr. Dysten what do you-" "You're welcome Riley." Said Eddie. "What are your thoughts on immigration recently?" She asked Dysten. "I think you are all going to vote for me." Said Dysten, queuing up something on the projector. 

Suddenly, the audience felt an uncontrollable urge to do whatever Dysten said. Dysten cackled at the sight. The other candidates were not pleased. "HEY! THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA DO WITH THE PRESS OF THIS BUTTON!" Said Sagmaster, showing Dysten his button which was literally the same thing. "Eh. You snooze you lose." Said Dysten. "I wish I thought of that." Said Agolf. "All I have is this button that electrocutes people when they aren't working fast enough." Said Kowalski. "EVERYBODY CHEATER EXCEPT FOR ME! NEXT TIME I CHEAT!" Said Trump who already was planning to have Constantine rig the election in his favor since he was Russian. "You think you can just steal my plan and get away with it? GET EM MAN O WAR!" Shouted Sagmaster opening the plastic bag and throwing a turkey sandwich at Dysten. "What's huh?" He said. "GET SWOOCED! Now I will eat a victory sandwich that my ex-wife packed for me." Said Dysten, opening his bag as Man O War began succing his face and penetrating his skin with poisonous fluid. "I KNEW MY EX-WIFE WAS TRYING TO KILL ME! I WASN'T CRAZY!" Yelled Dysten as he fell off stage. 

Suddenly, Eddie, who wasn't effected at all because he's a god, snapped everyone out of Dysten's curse. "You do realize I can't be hypnotized right? Well unless I wanted to be- but that's not the point." Started Eddie. "Look, you're all villains and only one of you can be mayor, so how do you want to settle this?" Said Eddie. "How about a game of Quartz, Parchment, Sheers?" Suggested Agolf. "I don't have hands." Said Kowalski. "Dang, I was hoping he wouldn't notice..." Said Agolf under his breath. "Come with me." Said Eddie, opening up a portal for all of them to follow him through.