To the one I hate/caused me lots of pain, myself,
Yes, I'm writing to you. Me. the one who is typing this this very second. And you know why? Because I hate you more than i could ever hate anyone else. I've caused myself so much pain, it's almost unbearable.
Every day when i look into a mirror, or any reflective surface, I have to look away. I'm filled with so much disgust just to look at my reflection. Myself. I don't understand how anyone can bear to be in the same room as me knowing how disgusting I look.
I hate myself for causing the pain I have. The starving, the self-harm, all of it. I know you deserve it but it doesn't stop me from hating you for it. That's partly why I do it, because I hate you and then I hate myself even more.
You know the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'? Well you know, I know, that it's not true. Not for me. Not for you.
Okay, I'm going to have to stop writing to myself.
I can't find the words that describe how much I hate myself.
Em xx
