Dear mum and dad,
Okay, this is the fourth time I have attempted to write this letter, and this time I will complete it. I'm finding it really difficult to write this, not because I haven't got much time, because I am, it's just I can't write what I want to write to you without crying. Basically, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being the perfect daughter that you both deserve. I'm sorry for getting angry and snapping at you, neither of you deserve that. I'm sorry for being so depressed. I hate the fact that I want to end my life, I am so lucky to have an amazing with amazing parents and here I am wanting to end it all. I'm sorry for hurting you. I know only mum knows this, but I know how much you hate the thought of me hurting myself but there is nothing I can do, there is nothing that kills demons better.
I always feel so guilty because I know how difficult things have been for you both this year, and I know that I haven't made things any easier. But you should both know that everything that has been difficult for you has been difficult for me. Nothing could have damaged me more than Ed's car crash, Granny's stroke, Grandad dying and Grandpa's knees getting worse. I'm sorry that I haven't helped out more but I just don't know what to do.
You both know that I've always been a mummy's girl, but now, as my depression has got worse, I can feel my self slipping away. I'm not heading towards being a daddy's girl, just me. On my own. I know it must be hard for you to see your baby girl push you away to be on her own, but I just feel like we don't understand each other any more.
I really hope that this doesn't last forever, I love you guys, don't ever forget that. No matter what happens, no matter what I say, you'll always be the best mum and dad I could ever wish for.
Mum, I really hope that some day soon we can go back to being the best friends that we used to be. I'm sorry for mucking your life up and not being the child you deserve. I love you.
Dad, we may not be close but never forget that no matter how many guys I have in my life, no matter who the guy is that I marry, you'll always be my superhero. Always have been and always will be. I love you. I wish I could say that to you more often but I feel like you don't want to know, like you'd rather be with the boys.
Both of you please remember that I am so sorry for not being perfect.
I will love you forever, no matter where I end up I will love you.
Love your favourite daughter Emily xxxxx
