To a deceased person I wish to talk to,
Hello grandad. Well I guess this is like th letter I've been sending you isn't it?
I've finished my exams now, I hope my results are results that you would be proud of. I've always wanted you to be proud of me. For something that I'd done or achived. I'm really angry at myself because I know that I never made you proud. Nothing that I've ever done made you proud like things that the others had done. I wish that I could say that you were proud of me. Because that is all I've ever wanted. More than anything in the whole wide world I wanted you to be proud of me. It meant so much to me and I couldn't even do that. i failed you as a granddaughter. Maybe you would still be here if it wasn't for me. Maybe if you weren't rushing to get back then you would never have fell. Then you never would have died. You'd still be here if it wasn't for me.
I pretty much ruined your life looking back on things. Fourth grandchild. Third granddaughter. We argued a lot. More than any of the others. Mum says that we were too similar but that's not really true. I wish that we did have more in common because then maybe you would have been proud of me.
You know, I've been looking through old photographs recently. I keep on seeing ones of you and I can't believe that you've really gone. Every time I see your old car parked in the drive, I walk into the kitchen expecting to see you sat there. It's like a stab in the heart when I realise that you've been gone for months.
You know what is going to be really weird? In September when Ed goes off to agric uni, it will be like I've lost two of the most important men in my life. I know that ed will come back but it seem very strange not having him around. I think it will make me miss you even more.
Me and the boys keep your grave looking nice. Well we try to. We never have been as good at gardening as you ever were but we're trying.
I'm going to have to stop now because otherwise I'll never stop crying.
I miss you so much, I would give anything just to see you one last time.
Love you to the moon and back,
Emily xxxxxxxx
