108 Days Clean
Keeping my head lowered, I gently slipped off the kitchen counter and stood in front of Luke for a moment, not knowing what to do. Keeping my gaze fixed on my shoes, I held onto my bandage wrapped wrist and gently walked past Luke and through the living room, into my bedroom.
Changing into my baggy sweatpants and oversized tee, I walked out of my room and into the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I exhaled deeply and sat on the edge of the bath. I was a mess. My mind was running with thoughts but physically, I felt numb. My wrist didn't even hurt anymore. I was like the old me, and I hated it.
Crouching down, I began to clean up the blood from the bathroom tiles with some toilet paper. I picked up all the beads from the bracelet I had cut and placed them in the bin. When the floor was clear of red droplets, I flushed the used toilet paper down the toilet. Just as I was about to stand up, a glimmer of silver caught my eye. The blade.
Reaching under the sink, I grabbed the blade and stared at it for a moment. I wanted to throw it away but, I just couldn't. Walking towards the shower, I slipped it into the bag that had all my shower things in it. Standing up, I unlocked the bathroom door and opened it. When I stepped outside of the bathroom, I came face to face with Luke who was standing outside the door waiting for me. I lowered my head again, feeling uncomfortable in his presence.
"Shanley..." he started quietly. Shaking my head, I closed the bathroom door behind me. Luke reached forward and grabbed my hand. His large hands engulfed my own, his callous ridden fingers feeling vulnerable against my skin. I pulled back my hands at his touch. My head was beginning to ache and all I wanted was to go to bed.
Pushing my hair behind my ear, I kept my head lowered and walked into my bedroom. Climbing into bed in my oversized clothes, I felt the tears beginning to fall from my eyes again. I was hurt, both by Luke and Beth, but, I was also embarrassed. Embarrassed of both thinking I was talking to Calum and what I had done.
Running my thumb across my wrist, I exhaled through my nose as a tear fell into my pillow. I had broken yet another promise. It was just time until I ended up breaking something bigger, much bigger.
Breaking myself.
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