What is High School?

Chapter Nine: Sophomore Year: My Biggest Mistake

I am not a person who regularly regrets things, a lot of times I never look back on something that I wish I had never done. There are a few things that I wish I had never done.

One example is a girl named Blair...Just typing her name now made a tear fall from my face. It hurts my heart to have to repeat this story. I want you, the reader, to get on a personal level with me though. So here it goes...

So let's fast forward about three to four months after the "David Thing" and I can't even feel my heart beat, I was so sad all the time. I couldn't feel anything and I just was walking around, an "empty shell of nothingness" and just in general angry and never happy.

Then one day as I'm sitting with my larger group of friends I turn around to look at my smaller group of friends who hang out across campus, and there is someone new there. Usually I will look at a new person and just be like oh ok cool, but this time there was something different about this new kid. I think it was because she was hanging out with my best friend, so I was like "who is this new kid and what is she doing with my Ruby?". So I excused myself from my group and walk over there. I wasn't expecting much, just a new kid.

Then I saw her.

Blair.

A 5 ft tall chubby mexican girl with short curly hair and deep set brown eyes. Her septum ring sparkled in the sun that was behind me. The world stopped around me as she laughed and I caught sight of her tongue piercing.

Then I felt something...

lub-DUB

What was that?, I thought.

lub-DUB

That was my heart beat. I felt my heart beat for the first time in months.

I swallowed.

"This is Seb"

I swallowed again.

"B" She said. I swallowed again and managed to smile and nod at her. Then she kept talking to me, we were talking about our friends and I just felt in my chest an extremely fast passed "thump, thump, thump, thump".

Why was my heart pounding? Why was I willingly standing so close to this person that I just met? I was so unwilling to give my heart away to people I had known for years, so why am I damn near throwing it at this person that I just met 30 seconds ago?
Maybe it's because she was exactly my type. Then as she got comfortable and her personality started to unfold I just fell harder and harder...

Real quick I would like to mention that whilst I am writing this chapter I can feel my heart getting heavier and heavier, as if it is about to come out of place and fall out of my ass. This is how much it hurts to think about this. This is how heartbroken I am.

Back to the story.

It all started with a joke...

My "daughter" Sierra asked if anyone had a hot spot that she could use. Then B says "I do, it's right here" and points down. I laughed and put my arm around her shoulder, and said "well...I'm a little cold soooo..."

That is where it all started.

Then one day we started holding hands and that's how it was for the two weeks she was here. Until my mom left for LA...

While she was gone I was using the social media that I wasn't supposed to have. I had her on Snapchat, and I was texting her all the time. We then started talking about how we aren't innocent and talking about our "kinks" and I mentioned how I liked being called Daddy.