1. Do perform ishtikara- Always perform ishtikara always. One should put their trust in Allah SWT divine decree. However one may not always get a dream with ishtikara one may get a good feeling or something good can happen or bad and that will let you know if this person is right.
2 Do have a checklist- It's very important to know what you are looking for in a future spouse. But if the requirements are superficial and kinda unrealistic like a 6"5 foot prince you should tone it back. A checklist can also help your friends and family look at what you want in a future spouse.
3 Don't dismiss someone if they don't have all requirements- We may think we know what we want but sometimes we don't really. You should be open to and give each potential candidate a try. Whatever the outcome is make it a learning experience because that candidate you wouldn't normally see could make a lasting impression on you.
4 Consider "halal dating"- Okay dating in the western since is haram no kissing, hugging, holding hands etc etc. However we live in an entirely new day in age I'm not saying we should compromise our faith at all. But what I'm saying is Muslim divorce rates are getting higher and we should make minor changes to the courtship ways but stick to our faith.
Like no getting in a room alone together, no touching each other, no going on dates alone. Because when a man and a woman are alone the Devil is the third.
5 Don't rush into marriage- There's nothing wrong with having an engagement period. The length from the first meeting to the nikkah is up to the couple and family. Sometimes with culture the couple feel pressured to marry quickly. Take time and really get to know each other and see if it is a match.
6 Request "references"- Part of the meeting is should include speaking with other people they know they would be the references. You should defiantly look if you met online. If you meet someone investigate them with all the means necessary. If they don't have anything to hide then they should let you. If they make excuses that's a bad sign. The last thing you should do is let a romance cloud your better judgment.
7 Dont spill the beans to early- You will naturally want to tell your friends and family everything about anything but it can have the downfalls. You may be getting advice and building up this image in your head for nothing. You should wait until you had at least three notable meetings before you start telling someone and make sure the person you get advice from is fit to give advice.
8 Have confidence to make the first move- If someone catches your eye don't sit around and wait take a chance and go for it. If you let fear of rejection control your life you will let opportunities pass.
9 Dont rely to much on your friends- Having someone on your first meeting that makes sense. But don't rely to much on your friends because you will have to get used to them not being there (keep it halal). The person your courting may feel awkward if there is always someone hovering. Remember keep it halal don't be alone together in a room but in a public setting like very public your friend or family member can leave to go do something for a couple minutes.
10 Be nice to everyone- You shouldn't be mean to anyone whether it's courtship or no courtship. You never know what a random encounter could bring. This person could be your soulmate but Allah SWT will move both hearts not just one. Love can happen any moment so smile and keep smiling.
11 Dont complicate your first interaction- It can be nervous but don't worry everything that happens is suppose to happen. Don't just ask so many questions that can turn people away. Getting to know something takes time so ask a certain amount of questions and let them ask you questions and remember you don't need to lie about anything keep it real.
12 Do plan around a stressful day- If you have a stressful or hard day and the person wants to talk just respectfully let them know you have to reschedule. If you're stressed you might end up complaining and that's not a good look.
13 Dont go overboard on talking up yourself- If you talk a lot about your self or take to much effort to dress up yourself you may be giving the wrong idea. Yes you should dress nice and not wear sweat pants or a tracksuit but you don't need to go overboard. Let the other person talk about them self and don't always bring the conversation back to you. Listen to them ask them questions.
14 Be authentic-Never change who you are. Yes you should have a little more manners but don't change yourself for this person. Being yourself is important since the goal is marriage with courting and not just dating. You need to be true to yourself and your opinions.
15 Dont talk about past relationships- Telling someone you were married before is required in Islam. However anything else is up to you. Let's say you dated someone in middle school and you know now it's wrong and you are courting someone at 20 you don't have to tell them. If you repented to Allah SWT that's all that matters. Those actions are between you and Allah. But if you have health issues because of your past you should tell them. If they are the one they shouldn't care if they do they aren't the one.
16 Be honest- You don't have to share your whole life but be truthful about who you are and what you want in life. If a person is worth it they will appreciate it. Don't change your opinions to suit someone else's.
17 Dont zone out- Listen carefully. Don't listen to talk listen to learn about the person. By listening you find out their likes and dislikes and personality and goals and more. You need to hear the person to see if they are right for you. Try not to interrupt or interject to much. Show them they have your attention.
18 Be aware of time- It's very easy to allow yourself to get carried away. However if you are missing classes, talking late, or going to work late. You need to take it back. You don't want conversations to become inappropriate and that's possible when you become so relaxed with one another. Taking it back can also make you conscious of how you use your time you can organize your thoughts and ask the right questions opposed to going into dark uncertain waters.
19 Dont convince yourself of something that isn't there- Most people want a partner and the happiness so it's normal to feel happy when you might of found the one. But if you are making more exceptions then you normally would there's something wrong. Your eagerness to get married could be clouding your judgement which isn't good. Look for red flags take each one very seriously. Forcing something because of fear is a sign of weakness in faith. Marriage like everything is a decree from Allah SWT.
20 Trust your instincts- Look for red flags but also look for how you feel about this person. If you have a feeling something isn't right chances are your feeling is right. If you notice patterns in their behavior that worries you don't dismiss it. Your instincts can get you out of nasty situations.
21 Listen to advice even if you aren't happy about it- If a friend or family member points out something negative don't overreact. Unless there is something wrong in your relationship they are looking out for you. If more then one person tells you the same thing hear them out completely. The worst thing is just looking at the positives then after the wedding being hit with all the negatives.
22 Dont be jealous- Don't focus on what others have. Just because your best friend got married doesn't mean you are never going to find someone. Be happy for them be happy for yourself. You may even meet someone at the wedding or by their new connections.
23 Have life outside the relationship- Even if you think you found your soulmate continue living your life. Spend time with friends and family. Just because you think you found someone doesn't mean your only focus is them.
24 Dont text- Texting as the primary communication isn't good. Texting gets in the way of creating a deeper bond with the person. Don't text for important topics. A relationship should thrive on healthy, direct, and regular communication.
25 Dont ask for to much advice- Don't wait for someone to tell you how to feel or what to do. Evaluate how you feel not what someone else feels.
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Guide: Muslims and Muslimah
SpiritualThis is a guide book for Muslims and Muslimah and this book also had my stories for being a Muslim and everything. How I deal with the religionism.
