A Cup of Coffee

c h a p t e r 0 4

A/N: this chapter contains parts of life that sometimes happen - suicide - i didn't talk about it too much but i just wanted to give you a heads up in case this may trigger you. it's near the end of the chapter. thank you for reading.

Elizabeth

"For the love of everything of holy!" Katie threw her arms up in frustration as I stared at the ceiling, it was filled with those glow in the dark sticky stars. Katie had always been creative out of the two of us, always coming up with new ideas to make the dorm feel like home.

After renting our dorm, which was not your typical dorm - ours had our own small kitchen and bathroom, she planned out where everything needed to be. The kitchen was my sanctuary so I had a say as to where my spices and pans are going to live. I remember her purchasing multiple rugs and throw pillows, along with vases and different table covers.

Upon entering our dorm, you will see the tiny kitchen through a small entrance to your right and a closet to your left, then the bathroom right beside it. When you go down the hall way, there was no door whatsoever. The right side was my room, aligned with the kitchen wall and hers was on the left. To have our separate spaces, we used our cabinets to create a divider between our beds. Katie would bring Nathan over and trust me, hearing is more than enough. I'd rather not see the action that takes place at the other side of the room.

Katie's room had a theme surrounding it. She was into plants and that was represented in her room. She had a cactus on her study table, which was also used as her vanity table and a few fake plants around her area. Instead of finding worksheets and pens, you would find make up brushes and lipsticks in her drawers. Her school supplies are neatly tucked away under her table in a green basket she got from Daiso. Near the "entrance" to her side was a curtain filled with jungle prints. Her bed sheets were white and she had enough throw pillows to provide for five families. Under her bed, were drawers for extra storage. Only the Lord knows what are inside, Katie probably doesn't know either. The designer shoes she wore are all displayed on a shelf we took hours to set up along with purses she barely use. And on her window sill, she have her lotions and candles propped up. If I needed to describe Katherine, her side of the room is definitely her.

"I know, it's stupid, my attention just isn't on my wrist all the time," I muttered as she sat down on beside me, causing the bed to sink a little.

She stroked the zero on my wrist, it just looks like a tattoo now that I've had for years. It's going to be there forever to remind me of how oblivious I am of my surrounding at times. I was not the most observant person in the world. Plus I couldn't bring up seeing Nathan with his soulmate. He haven't even talked to her about it.

"Nathan asked for a break two months ago, did I tell you that?" She whispered as she continued staring at my wrist.

"No I didn't know. Was it because of -"

"Yeah, he thinks I didn't notice. His countdown reached zero," she frowned and her eyes turned to me.

"What do you think will happen now?"

"As selfish as it sounds, I want him to stay with me, even though he probably met her already. But to be completely honest, I wouldn't know what to do if my soulmate pops up,"

"I think have a chat with Nathan once he's ready. If you're meant to be, you don't necessarily have to be soulmates to work it out. I mean five whole year almost six years together!"

"I know, I never loved anyone the way I love Nathan and don't get me started with him in bed and- " she winked and grinned at me.

"Babe stop! I can hear you guys you know, I know that you enjoy the intimacy of your relationship,"

"But you're a deep sleeper!" A mortified look replaced her mischievous grin. Sex was never uncomfortable to talk about, I am what you call an experienced virgin. But being present during it, live, was not something I like to talk about.

Daniel Bryans was no stranger to sex and I constantly asked him questions that bothered me. But sadly, I wasn't ready for sex when we were together, considering the fact that he was always eyeing other girls when we were together and sexting other females in town, I didn't feel he was the right one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally down for it because I don't see anything wrong with it. I just never felt connected enough to a person to ever do it. I've been on dates after Daniel left, but I stopped seeing love in the same light. After chatting with Katie for a couple more minutes, I decided to let her get some rest. I closed her curtain and headed to the kitchen.

I was unable to clean the place this morning so upon much consideration, I grabbed my cleaning supplies and started with my routine. This usually lasts about an hour to an hour and a half. First I tackled the toilet bowl, I rinsed the inside with a bucket of water. Then used a toilet cleaner and squeezed the bottle, spreading the blue liquid around the inner rim. I closed the seats and started wiping down the contertop and sink with my surface cleaner. After scrubbing the toilet down and rinsing it properly, I closed the door behind me.

The kitchen was the second place left to tackle, using a different cloth, I sprayed the surface cleaner on the counter and drawers and started wiping. I loaded the laundry in the washing machine to get ready for tomorrow's wash. It was a small washing machine, right beside our fridge. On top of it was our dryer.

The dining table was the foldable type and our dining chairs were the type you can stack up. Though it was tedious, I'd rather set up the chairs every meal just so our kitchen had enough room. We can't fold the table anymore because our electric kettle sat on it along with our condiments and bread. I hurriedly finished the dishes and wiped the stove down with a kitchem foam spray. It cuts grease really well and all I need is to wipe it down. After sweeping and mopping, an hour had passed and I decided to head to the side of my room.

All that cleaning made me forget about my worries in the world. My parents, Katie's relationship problems, completely meeting my soulmate and not realizing it. Cleaning helps clear my head. But not as much as cooking. And before I forget, I needed to get some groceries for my birthday dinner. I pushed the curtain out my way and headed straight to my desk.

Similar to Katie, I placed a curtain at the entrance to my side. I love flowers, you can immediately see it on my things. My curtain was filled with small pink flowers and my bedsheets had roses all over them. I had a cupboard that I filled with extra shampoos and conditioners along with my feminine products. On top of it, was a picture of my mama, dad, mom, Ellie and me. Being an only child after my older sister died, was the worst thing I can ever experience. After Ellie's death, my parent's relationship started deteriorating. Mom ended up working too much and dad just shut off. Ellie was a daddy's girl. I never had much relationship with my own dad but I do remember the times our family felt like a family.

My mom was a well-known lawyer and she gets fat pay checks all the time so money was never a problem but I never liked relying on my parents because, well, they taught me that I needed to work for the money I receive. The money I get for allowance, I save them all up and I use the money from my part time job to pay for rent and my needs everyday. When Ellie passed away the way she did, a piece of me, a piece of mom and a piece of dad died with her.

It's not easy dealing with her gone, she was the glue that kept the family together. I was not over her dying and it was so sudden.

I try not to think about it too much and I haven't seen professionals about this though mom always pressed on about seeing someone who could help. But I refused because I didn't want to relive the time I saw my sister hanging from the ceiling. It was something I never want to talk about, so I didn't. At times, I will have nightmares about her and there would be times I won't be able to get out of bed. I missed her dearly. It hurts me because I didn't see the signs.

She was always smiling.

She was always laughing.

I rarely saw her cry. But it doesn't mean that she didn't.

I never saw it coming. And when it happened, it felt like my soul left my body and I just watched her lifeless form, dangling from the noose she made. I haven't really thought about her much, I try not to. So instead of creating the list of food I wanted to cook on my birthday, I just sobbed quietly on my bed until I fell asleep.