A Cup of Coffee

c h a p t e r 1 0

Adam

I didn't know what I was getting myself into. After dad's death eight years ago, I felt like I lost my entire purpose. My mom - I didn't even want to call her that but out of respect for my father, I still call her that. Even though she was useless in my life. All she really did was give birth to me and then she started doing drugs behind my dad's back and it went downhill from there. They were barely sixteen when they had me, teenage parenthood didn't suit my dearest mother and it sickens me that she could leave me and dad. She just left. She never contacted dad until he passed away. I would understand if she was scared but for her not to show up anymore was saddening.

When Gramps Xavier passed away two years after dad - I was already fourteen by then - and she didn't even show up. I was upset with mom's family for a while after dad passed away even though they've done nothing but help me. I remember dad dropping me off at their house when I was a kid, he worked two jobs while he tried his best to raise me and help me become who I am today. During the daytime, he worked as a construction worker and during the night time, he works as a dishwasher at a fast food restaurant. He wasn't able to go to college because he lost his scholarship and he didn't come from a wealthy family to even afford having a conversation about college.

I felt like I hindered my dad's life and ruined everything for him. He struggled a lot and he barely gets any sleep. When he was twenty one, instead of being able to enjoy his adulthood, he had to help me with my homework and put my six year old self to sleep. I remember how his friends felt embarrassed being with him so they lie that I was his little brother.

Dad, however, speaks about me like I was the best thing that ever happened in his life. He talks about my presence in his life as if I dropped out of heaven. He would go on about how proud he was of me for being able to do all sorts of things. He never once spoke badly of my mother, not once did I hear him complain about how hard life was. He's my superman, my hero and he still is. He tried to give me everything I needed and to be honest, I didn't feel the need to have a mother because dad never made me feel like I needed one. When he passed away, my life felt empty. But it sunk in me when his casket was being lowered in the ground, I was never going to see my dad again. I was never going to talk to him again. I can't ever be with him again. And that broke my heart, I can never forget how it feels. It breaks my heart till today.

I also remember Gramps Xavier always offering to watch over me when I was younger, I remember him holding me before the sun even rose as dad drives away. Dad was always busy so Gramps took over whenever he can. I loved the old man to death, I still do. I miss him terribly and it shattered me when he passed on right after dad did. I was just glad he didn't need to suffer anymore. Decades of smoking caught up with him and he died because of lung cancer. Even though he was ill, he acted as if nothing was wrong.

As for Phoebe, my maternal grandmother, I wasn't too fond of her. She did love me at the end but I remember how ashamed she was to have me come by their house and have her neighbours talk about her daughters teenage pregnancy. She often make snide remarks about me and how her daughter's life is ruined. I didn't mind it until I found out that she was talking to my dearest mother for a few years before my dad died and didn't even bother to let me know. I felt betrayed because she was hating me and verbally abusing me but she didn't even bother enough to let me know about my own mother, who may I add, was the one at fault. As far as I know, she's been in and out of rehabilitation and after Gramps death, Phoebe cut off contact with her and I also did cut off the whole family out of my life. I decided that since Gramps was gone, I didn't have anything to do with mom's family.

Mom and dad decided to have sex, it wasn't just dad's fault and it definitely was not my fault that she chickened out of motherhood. Mom and dad were soulmates, they were supposed to be there for each other till the end because they were technically made for each other.

But that was all bull.

Phoebe tried for six years to get hold of me, Mama Dianne - dad's mom - also persuaded me countless times to give her another chance. I only thought about it after hearing that Phoebe had stage three breast cancer and was given a five year survival period. They were talking about how the tumor was larger than five centimeters across and how the cancer has spread to one to three axillary lymph nodes.

It scared me and as much as I still didn't want to talk to her, I needed to. And that's why I called her asking to see her. Little did she know, I was staying with her for as long as I can. I needed to make up for lost time, what good will it bring my life if I just allow this elderly woman to pass away without her grandson's forgiveness and carry the feeling of regret on her shoulders till her deathbed? Nothing.

After a six and half hour drive, I finally arrived to the coffee shop Mama Dianne kept talking about. I stared at my reflection at the mirror, I looked like hell. Before leaving my car, I sprayed my cologne to somehow cover up that I was in my car the past seven hours. I put on my hoodie and stepped out of my car.

I adjusted my sleeves and noticed my countdown was showing 30, I can't believe this. Now? My soulmate? Here with my grandma? How was I going to deal with this? I didn't want to have to deal with another female who will possibly just leave me. I'm not up for it and I am not interested. I'm here for my dying grandmother who refused to go through any treatments. Not for a girl made for me. Because there is no such thing.

As I came closer to the coffee shop's door, I noticed that that the shop was packed and finding my soulmate was not an easy task so it was a plus for me. I'd gladly lose her in the crowd. But instead, I saw a gorgeous girl, about five foot, walking towards the exit. She had brown hair cascading down her shoulders and she was clad in a blouse and blue leggings. She pushed the door open and I looked at my wrist whilst I pretended to check my phone.

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